Wait, you mean someone agrees with me?

This morning I was browsing the Internet instead of getting any work done, and I stumbled on an article on something called Jante's Law. It's something sociologists talk about when discussing the Scandinavian countries, and it refers to a strong social pressure towards being average, and fitting in; or, to say the same thing in other terms, a strong rejection of the idea that there's anything at all special about you personally.

To exaggerate only slightly, it's a fundamental social presumption that you don't count, leveled against everyone.

And as soon as I read the article, I thought back to this post of mine that I wrote ... wow, more than ten years ago. Long enough that I couldn't find it at first, because I didn't remember any useful keywords. So I had to page through a lot of other posts about other stuff until I came across it. 

But there it is, plain as day: "Parents should teach their children that what they want doesn’t count. So they will have easier and happier lives." And now I find that there are whole societies out there that agree with me. Not that I should brag about my own insight on this point, of course ... at least, not if I'm to be consistent.

So, ... is this a good thing?

      

"As long as you're making progress"

Socrates: Now if there was someone who loved Alcibiades' body, he wouldn't be loving Alcibiades, only something that belonged to Alcibiades.

Alcibiades: That's right.

Socrates: But someone who loved you would love your soul.

Alcibiades: By our argument, I think he'd have to.

Socrates: Wouldn't someone who loves your body go off and leave you when your beauty is no longer in full bloom?

Alcibiades: Obviously.

Socrates: But someone who loves your soul will not leave you as long as you're making progress.

Alcibiades: That's probably right.

Socrates: Well, I'm the one who won't leave you -- I'm the one who will stay with you, now that your body has lost its bloom and everyone else has gone away.

— from Plato's Alcibiades, 131 c-d, translated by D. S. Hutchinson

I thought that was going to be me. Back when I met Wife, she wasn't a stunning beauty, not physically, but there was something dynamic and energetic about her. I found her exciting to be around. And she had great ambitions for the future.

To honor that energy and ambition and excitement, I was prepared to stick around even when the uglier parts of her soul started to become visible. 

And then somewhere along the line she just gave up. Not like Alcibiades, who gave up being a pupil of Socratic virtue and went on to become a dashing, daring, romantic and scandalous traitor. That might have been kind of fun, to tell the truth. No, what Wife gave up was the energy and ambition, not to mention the intelligence and insight and humor. She gave up her "spark of divine fire." I don't know why. And with that, I lost the heart for sticking it out.

I don't tell you anything in this post you don't already know. With all those links to earlier posts, it's more like a "greatest hits" collection than an essay on its own. I guess I was just struck by the discussion between Socrates and Alcibiades, when I read it this morning. It's too bad, is all.