Baby steps?

Wife was really tired tonight, but I tried to talk with her briefly. She told me that Boyfriend 5 wanted to know something from me, and I suggested that he should just send me an e-mail. When she was quiet, I asked if there was some kind of problem with this solution.

Wife: No, except that you might ask him to stop all communication with me.

Me: Really? What would that get me? I mean, what do you think the result would be?

Wife: I don't know.

Me: You don't know? If I asked Boyfriend 5 never to communicate with you again, would he do it?

Wife: I don't know. He might genuinely think it was the best thing for me.

Me: That's a little hard for me to believe. If I asked you never to communicate with Boyfriend 5 again, would you do it?

Wife: [almost inaudibly] No.

Me: OK, that I believe. By the way, if I asked you never to communicate with Boyfriend 5 again, and if you decided to ignore me and keep communicating with him anyway, would you tell me you were doing so?

Wife: [silence]

Me: Come on, in a case like that -- which is purely hypothetical -- would you have the backbone to tell me that you had decided to ignore me and were still communicating with him?

Wife: [almost inaudibly] Yes.

Me: Well, compared to ten years ago, I guess that's progress. You and I both know that ten years ago you wouldn't have told me something like that if you thought I would be unhappy. [I was thinking of Boyfriend 2.] Do you think that ten years from now we might be able to talk about your boyfriends openly, without each of us being afraid of how the other will react?

Wife: Maybe, yeah.