- Is the real requirement that Wife and I have to preserve -- or revive -- a marriage that is a perfect union of body and soul? So that we have a gratifying sex life with each other, our minds are in perfect harmony at all times, and our hearts beat as one?
- Or is the real requirement that we have to maintain a household that functions smoothly, pays its bills, and provides a wholesome environment in which our children can grow to adulthood? And then, after they move out, is the real requirement largely fulfilled so we can do whatever strikes our fancy after that?
I've always assumed that "marriage" meant the first one. At any rate, that's what it sounds like we promised each other. You know the litany: "to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward until death do you part."
But it is possible that the true moral requirement is the second one, since after all the children are innocent bystanders in this mess. And (like all human children) they are helpless for years and years before they can actually look after themselves. So I have to wonder.
The second one would sure be a lot easier. At least, I think it would be ....
Hi There! Saw your recent comment over here on T's blog and came to visit.
ReplyDeleteWell, I have been facing these same questions. In my case, our youngest child moves out of the house in a week, and we've reached the "whatever strikes our fancy" stage. Actually we've reached the "whatever strikes my fancy" stage, since my wife would much prefer "til death do us part."
Anyway, these are excellent, difficult questions. Looking forward to reading more of your blog.
have you asked your kids what they think?
ReplyDeletesometimes divorce is better for the kids. my friend has actually insisted that her parents get a divorce.
i have told my mum that i would be completely fine and understanding if she got a divorce-that i thought it would be better for her soul.
My wife has broached the subject with them; they try to be grown-up and nonchalant about it, but they're against it.
ReplyDeleteAnd they should be against it, because it is NOT like we live in a war zone. You hear me gripe on this blog, because these are things I can't discuss somewhere else -- I'm not going to complain to my coworkers about my wife's affairs! But we are both devoted to the kids, and the kids know it. And most of the time we plug along fine from day to day, running errands, picking up the kids from school, ... that sort of thing.
There are underlying problems, sure. But nothing so bad that they have asked us to split.