Wife and Boyfriend 5 seem to have reached the stage where they are arguing over the "relationship" ... who loves whom more, who cares about whom, and so on. Is this part of some kind of life cycle of bad romances, or something?
It all started when Boyfriend 5 mentioned that his demon, M, had graduated from doing clerical office work to the status of a full-fledged lover. I continue to be astonished that Wife treats this as if she takes it seriously, but so it appears to be. And this has led to interchanges such as: ...
Wife: Did you get the offline post I left for you last night?
Boyfriend 5: No. What about?
Wife: My behaviour and M.... I wasn't sure you'd get it. It said essentially that I think I know why I've reacted as I have, and you aren't going to like it, but now that I understand it, I can see where some of it is illogical and I can stop it and some of it is at least based on past experience, which is why I did it.
Boyfriend 5: Well, why don't you just tell me and let me decide whether I like it or not.
Wife: Ok. Here goes. Deep breath. In my past experience, when Lover [meaning Boyfriend 5, I guess, although they have still never met in the flesh] tells Current Lover [Wife] all about New Lover [M, the demon] in detail, that generally means Current Lover is about to become Former Lover. That's why I reacted so defensively. Especially since New Lover is able to fulfill all your needs whereas I am not.
Boyfriend 5: Well, .... No, I don't like it, but not for the reason you might think. I don't like that you still have so little trust in me....
Wife: It's not a matter of whether I trust you, ...!
Boyfriend 5: It is, deep down....
Wife: And I said you wouldn't like it ...!
Boyfriend 5: .... Only when you trust me will it stop, and if you don't trust me, it won't stop. ....Hopeuflly, at some point in the future, I'll be able to change your mind....
Wife: I trust you further than I trust just about anybody, ....
Boyfriend 5: But I'll also say that you don't trust me ... I don't know whether "enough" is the right word, but we'll use it anyway. It's ok... I'm used to it.
Wife: Who trusts you "enough"? Does anyone ever trust anyone else that much?
Boyfriend 5: It doesn't matter, but some people do.
Within an hour, this had morphed into ...
Wife: You know what? I could have [taken another lover] over the summer, but I mistakenly thought it might be nice to at least talk to you first because you might care. I was wrong, so the subject is closed. I'll do as I like, and the subject is closed. You won't hear any more about it.
Boyfriend 5: DAMMIT I DO CARE. Obviously *YOU* DON'T SEEM TO THINK SO. So, I gotta go.
Wife: NO YOU DON'T
Boyfriend 5: YES I DO.
Wife: NO YOU DON'T....
Boyfriend 5: THIS WOULD BE BETTER DONE ON THE PHONE, SO YOU COULD HEAR THE IMPORT BEHIND MY WORDS, BUT SINCE I DON'T HAVE A PHONE I CAN CALL YOU WITH, I'LL DO IT WITH CAPS AND *S. HERE I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU, WILLING TO GIVE THINGS UP FOR YOU, TRYING TO HELP YOU IN MY OWN WAY, BE IT RIGHT OR WRONG, TO SEE WHAT YOU NEED, NOT WHAT YOU THINK YOU NEED, AND WHAT DO I GET FOR IT? "YOU DON'T CARE." That, to me, is not someone who doesn't care. If I didn't care, I would have said, yeah, do what you like, and I would have rejoyced when you did and when that relationship ended and left you wrse than before. If I didn't care, would I have offered to get rid of M for *YOU*, to ease *YOUR* feelings, however misguided. NO, I WOULDN'T. IF I DIDN'T CARE, .... WOULD I BE RAISING MY BLOOD PRESSURE UP TO 240/188 HAVING A DISCUSSION WITHOUT YOU ABOUT HOW MUCH I DO OR DON'T CARE? N O!
Wife: All right. I see the logic. I'm sorry it's raising your bp.
Boyfriend 5: So, if you think I don't care, well, then, I guess we are done.
Wife: I take it back. I'm sorry.
Boyfriend 5: Do you ?
Wife: yes.
Meanwhile, I have to wonder, ... Who writes this dialog? Did somebody pick it up on sale at Wal-Mart? Or does Wife just gravitate naturally to the kind of romance that will give her at least a minimum daily allowance of drama? It does seem to me, regardless of what I think of this fellow personally, that this wouldn't be the first of Wife's romantic relationships which was jeopardized by her own insecurities ....
Daily allowance of drama? Yeah, that sounds familiar.
ReplyDeleteI think I do that and perhaps a lot of us who lean toward or actively participate in adultery seek. The drama does indicate some level of passion that naturally fades through time.
Hosea, The good thing is that between the office work and the sex, the demon probably won't have time to launch any surprise attacks on you.
ReplyDeleteIs she a fan of Harlequin romances or soap operas?
Kyra -- That's believable. It's part of what makes Wife so high-maintenance. Of course in a sense you could ask, Who am I to complain? After all, I married her knowing full well how passionate, dramatic, and high-maintenance she was. And underneath it all, that passionate intensity is part of what I have always loved about her. Wish it weren't so tiring, though ....
ReplyDeleteVeni -- No, she's not. This is what baffles me. She has always been so much smarter than that, so I can't understand her current situation very well. My only guess is that she is getting something she needs emotionally, and so she deliberately blinds herself to the parts of the story that make no sense.
"who loves whom more, who cares about whom, and so on. Is this part of some kind of life cycle of bad romances, or something?"
ReplyDeleteOh, my relationship with Bradley has this in spades, so yes, I think it is part of the life cycle. Why? I think Kyra explained it well.
So, "it's a chick thing"? ;-)
ReplyDeleteCuz I don't get it either. But my favorite part was envisioning his bp at 240/188, right before the aneurysm...
Bad Girl -- Oh dear, I hope you didn't take that wrong. Maybe I should have added the disclaimer, "Present company excepted." :-) Personally I find that sort of conversation makes me tired after a while, but that could explain why I'm writing from this side of the bed and not that one ...? Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteApollo -- Yes, the input from his side seems to get funnier and funnier. I continue to be amazed that Wife doesn't catch the humor.