Quotable quotes

So yesterday I was sitting petting one of the cats, who was purring and stretching out and rolling over, stretching his neck so I could scratch it and just generally soaking up all the petting he could get.

And Wife said, "You know, that cat is really love-y to you and Son 1; even somewhat to Son 2. But he sure is standoffish to me. Maybe it's because I'm the only one who kicks him, to get him to stop clawing my stuff."

Gosh, ya think?
__________

Then this morning I had another one of these long, pointless conversations with Wife. Somewhere towards the end she said that she "walks on eggshells" because she is afraid of my getting mad at her, and I said this was ridiculous. Now that we have separated our money, I no longer get mad at how she spent hers; and now that we have no sex life, I no longer get mad at whatever she wants to do with her body (or with whom).

She interrupted, "I have NO sex life right now!" And then added quickly, "Can YOU say the same?"

I stumbled for a moment with surprise and then said, "Let me get back to the point I was making ...!"