Not this shit again!

I thought I was long past giving a shit what Wife said about me or to whom. Really, I know it's going to be venomous lies and there is nothing I can do about it ... so why stress?

Then this evening I discovered that three months ago, Friend sent an e-mail to the boys.

That's out of bounds. I don't know what to do about it ... probably nothing, since I can't admit I know. But I am just as upset as I ever was years ago at this kind of horseshit. So since I don't have any idea what to do, I'm going to burden you all with it and then go have a drink. Or three.

Oh, ... the one sensible thing I did was to send a copy to D. She has worked in enough dysfunctional families that she'll probably have a better idea than I do for what should come next.

Here it is, all formatting as in the original, even when it seems inconsistent.
____________________

Son 1 and Son 2:

I think I owe you both an apology.

While talking with your mom this morning, I got the distinct impression that she spoke to you concerning me yesterday. In fact, I know she particularly spoke to Son 2 because this morning, I was relaying messages to her to pass on to Son 2.

Let me say a couple of things. I really like both of you boys. I think you're great. You are two of the best kids in the world and ya have one of the best mothers, too.

I know that you are very protective of your mother. I know that your family situation isn't easy right now. I don't know the total picture, nor most of it, but I do know that your mother is very unhappy, and having spoken with your father a couple of times, I have the basic outline of a drawing of your family situation filled out, granted without all the colors filled in.

To both of you:

I am sorry if I thought you were hostile or hated me. I don't know how you feel about me, but I would like to say that I am here if at anytime you need to talk. I will not judge, even if you want to talk about your mother. I make it a habit of listening without judging. If you'd like to talk about guns, sports, law enforcement, fires, the president, Mars, alien invasions, or anything I'm here.

I want to make it clear that I love your mother very much. Yes, we are friends, but I also love her. I don't know if this is wrong. Is love wrong?

I guess I felt like you two didn't like me because if I were in your shoes, I might not like me either. I spend a lot of time talking to your mother and spending time on the phone with her and when I was your age, this would have made me really, really angry. It would have made me want to break windows, or go into my room, turn my music up as loud as I could, and play my video games all day and all night, if I could have and if I had had video games.

I met your mother through an online support group called C-T-D, (connecteive Tissue Diseases), which she was a founder/moderator of. I joined that group in July 2005. I liked your mother right away, and because of something she said online, I wrote her privately. I was being picked on by several list members because of my burns. Your mother was the only one who dealt with the problem. I appreciated that and we struck up a conversation.

Seven or eight months down the road, your mom met Boyfriend 5. Once she and Boyfriend 5 started becoming friendly, (I was friendly with him, too and considered him a friend at that time), she sort of left me behind. We still talked,but only on her terms. If she didn't want to respond to an email of mine, she didn't. That was ok though, I saw what was going on between her and Boyfriend 5. You may wonder what did I see?

I saw a woman who had a lot of love to give, not just for her children, but for adults as well. I saw a woman who was not receiving that love at home. I saw a woman who was very lonely. I saw a woman who cried all the time.

Boyfriend 5 seemed to fill a void that I could not fill and he seemed to make your mother happy. I was happy for them.

Now, maybe i'm slow on the uptake, but it wasn't for a while that I discovered that there was something going on between Boyfriend 5 that was more than just a good or even best friendship. It was more than abrother/sisterly love, either. You boys are smart, I don't need to spell it out for you.

I believe in being honest, so this is what I'm doing.

In Feb, 2006, Boyfriend 5 got really sick. I would write to your Mom and tell her how he was doing. We also began having our own internet conversations, then. This went on for quite a while. We were friends, and I would even say she was even a good friend, but it ended at that point.

Skip ahead to November of 06.

My father was murdered in November of 06, and I was a witness to that murder. I did not reappear on the internet until December around Christmas. Wife was one of the few people who offered genuine support for me during that difficult time. She gave me her phone number and I began to call her.

At first, I didn't call her a lot, because I didn't want to impose. Then, I found we had more and more things in common and we began to call each other more.

We stayed friends for over a year. In fact, I told her that in no way would I ever have a relationship with a woman. I had Rod as my partner and I was strictly gay and did not, under any circumstances, want to change that.

Our friendship, however, grew deeper and stronger and we began to tell each other things that we otherwise would not have.

One of the things your mom shared with me is just how unhappy she was living with your father. She did not tell me the whole story, nor did I ask. Some things are just meant to be kept within a family, you know? She did tell me that she felt at times verbally, mentally and physically mistreated. I pointed out to her that even though she felt this way, and that her feelings were valid, that didn't necessarily mean that was your dad's intent. She agreed that this might be true, and might still be true today. we both agree however, that this doesn't change the way she feels and how she feels is very scared sometimes.

I have made it clear that while I love your mother very much, and would even ask her to marry me if she wasn't already married, I *DO NOT* *UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES* want your family to break up. I want your mother to be happy. Even if that happiness doesn't include me. I have told her this many times. She knows how much I love her, but she also knows I don't want to be responsible for the family breaking up.

Now, that I've said all that, let me explain some more about why I thought you all hated me.

As I said, if I were in your shoes, I would be upset, too. I would feel that this person has come along, and even if I didn't start it, Boyfriend 5 did, I am still doing it, just like he used to do. I am talking to your mother all the time, I am calling at all hours when I can, and it seems like we are always on the phone.

You can ask your mom if I make her happy. Ask her if I fulfill her emotional, spiritual, and mental needs. I can't answer that for her and I wouldn't want to. She does all that and more for me. She makes me feel whole. She makes me feel complete. Without talking to her or emailing her, I feel naked. I feel as if something deep and profound is missing in my life.

I'm sorry if I thought you all hated me. You have a right to be angry at me. You have a right to feel as if I'm stealing your mother away. You are certainly entitled to your feelings and I am certainly willing to hear what they are if you'd like to share.

Remember that whatever you tell me will not be retold to your mother and certainly not to your father. I am here for you boys.... NO matter what happens. I want the best for your whole family. I care about you...all of you.

So, I hope I've cleared the air a bit. I hope I've made it clear that I don't want anything from your mom, other than what I already have, her love and friendship.

I would like to try and get to know your dad, too, but I have a feeling he doesn't want to get to know me, and that's fine.

If you have any questions, or would like to write back about anything, you are certainly welcome to do so. I will try to answer promptly, but due to work schedules, it may take me a few days.

Ahh, yes, and there is one thing I almost forgot. Wife had pointed out to me that one of you said that if I really cared, I would have come to visit. On two occasions I did have plane reservations to do just that. On the first occasion, I even had the tickets in my hand and was on my way out the door to go to the airport when I found out that Hosea had invited Boyfriend 4 to come down and spend the whole time he was gone. I suspect this was to chaperone your mom and to make sure I couldn't come. The same thing happened the second time, but fortunately, I found out early enough that I was able to cancel my flight.

Now, you may ask, "Why didn't you just come anyway?" I am an autistic. I have something called Asperger's Syndrome. This means I am a high-functioning autistic, but it means I don't do well with strangers, or people who have hurt deeply those I love. I know Boyfriend 4 hurt Wife by his drinking and it would have upset me to be in the same house with him and to have to be nice. It would have also upset me since I felt that your father was using Boyfriend 4 as a chaperone and I didn't feel this was appropriate. I love your mother very much, but she is a married woman and I would NEVER do anything to compromise those marriage vows.

I hope I have explained some things to you.

Friend, M.D.