Monday, February 18, 2013

Third lunch with Debbie

I'll keep this brief.  I don't have time to write more at the moment.  And really, I should post about a week's worth of e-mails between us first.  Maybe two weeks.  I'll get around to that soon, to fill in the back story; because I think without the steps provided in those e-mails, this post may be a little abrupt.

Suffice it to say that this is only our third lunch and we have reached the point of holding hands and discussing what we can afford to do together ... where the boundaries have to be.  Debbie is no longer worried about not even going to the theater with me.  She asked if she can invite me over to dinner with some of her other friends.  (Sure, why not?)  But we both agree that we probably shouldn't actually fuck until I have moved out ... so if the boys ever ask, we can say so with a straight face.  I explained that their good opinion matters more to me than a lot of other considerations.

Update added June 27, 2022: I don't want to change anything else that I've written here, all of which was written in the moment. But maybe I can add a little more about what we discussed. Two points have stuck with me over the years. 

One is that this is when I explained about Wife's multiple infidelities over the years. Debbie was pretty quiet during this account, but then she said softly, "OK, so maybe you don't have to keep your side of the street as perfectly clean as I was thinking." And I agreed.

The second point didn't even involve words. We were talking about some of the things we might do together. Debbie was being a little cautious about committing to any of them, and I asked why. Without saying a thing she took my left hand in one of hers, and with the index finger of her other hand started tracing back and forth across my wedding ring. Clearly her unspoken question was, How long are you going to keep wearing this? And it took me a little bit by surprise because I had forgotten that I was wearing it. After almost thirty years, the habit of sliding it on in the morning had become so automatic that I didn't even notice I was doing it. I don't remember what I said. I think I mumbled something like, "Oh, right." And I started to think about when to take the ring off. At this point I don't remember quite when I actually stopped wearing it. But this lunch is the first time it was drawn to my attention.  

And as we parted in the parking lot, we exchanged the sweetest kiss ... and finally got to the words, "I love you."  "I love you too."  She was first with the kiss; I was first with the words.

I'm sure I did something at the office in the second half of the day once I got back from lunch, but I'm damned if I can tell you what it was.



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