Anger and regret

Right at the beginning of Marilynne Robinson's Gilead, the narrator John Ames writes, "... people who feel any sort of regret where you are concerned will suppose you are angry, and they will see anger in what you do, even if you're just quietly going about a life of your own choosing. They make you doubt yourself, ...."

I wonder if this is why Wife thought I was always angry with her? ... if she felt so guilty over her own behavior over the years that she could not hear my voice at all without hearing reproach in it?

And of course when she would accuse me out of the blue of being angry with her, my immediate response was usually to feel attacked and to deny it hotly.

See also two other posts: 

https://hoseasblog.blogspot.com/2008/06/word-i-thought-id-never-hear.html?m=1

https://hoseasblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/like-lump-of-clay.html?m=1

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