Sunday, February 27, 2022

Is this a meditation practice?

A few nights ago, I attended a free class (via Zoom) on Embodied Mindfulness.

I assumed that it was going to be a run-of-the-mill meditation class, but it was nothing of the kind. The presenter was a mindfulness teacher who visits schools: primary, middle, high, or college. And her topic was how to deploy the basic skills of mindfulness in relationship with other people, regardless whether you have a regular, formal mindfulness practice of your own. In other words, she started with the three fruits of mindfulness practice as taught by the Unified Mindfulness approach (the one developed by Shinzen Young): concentration, sensory clarity, and equanimity. And then she illustrated how each of these can come into play when you are talking with somebody else, particularly if you are talking about something that is difficult for them (or, I guess, for you). She told stories of interactions she had had with other people to illustrate each one in turn, and a lot of the advice came down to simple stuff that you might hear anywhere else but in different terminology: focus on what the person is really saying, let them say whatever it is that they are really saying even if you don't like it, and ask clarifying questions to follow up (both for your own understanding and also -- sometimes, potentially -- to help them see things about their own situation they might not have seen before). I'm pretty sure all of these techniques fall under the general heading of "active listening."  

What I found fascinating was the idea -- and these are my words, not hers -- that this kind of attentive listening might itself be a sort of applied mindfulness practice. Wait, what? When Wife was in one of her panic attacks and I was trying to unwind her slowly without accidentally setting her off again, I was actually meditating? Wow, who knew? (And I remember once when I did the same thing to D, that she later looked back on it and laughed ruefully, saying something about how I clearly had a lot of experience "dealing with hysterical women." 

It would be great if I never had to use this particular skill again, but I'm involved with Marie these days so we're probably not there. (Although I have said as much to her, stretching a point out of generosity.) So in that case it's nice to know that it counts as meditation. I guess.

      

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