Day 13: A caregiving dilemma

I had been planning to leave today. But a couple of days ago I offered to Schmidt to stay on for a bit longer, because he really is going to have more work to do once I've left—and less freedom to do anything else.

Ma Schmidt woke up to pee at 4:00 and again at 6:00 in the morning. (I slept through both occasions.) This time she used the commode. Schmidt called it "easier—well, less difficult." Her voice has been clearer today, and less whispered, but her words are more garbled and harder to understand.

She slept most of the day, though she was physically active trying to change position in the hospital bed.

Around 4:00 in the afternoon, I think I heard her say "I'm dying," and I said, "That's OK." Then she said clearly, "Can you get me⸻?" and never finished the sentence. She said she needed to pee about 4:30, but nothing came out.

This is a stock photo, and not Ma Schmidt. Ma Schmidt was almost
90 years old. Also, there are very few photos on the Internet of
hospice patients in flagrante delicto. 

In the evening, she kicked off her covers, so she was lying in just a turtleneck sweater and a diaper. For a few minutes she grimaced while clutching her thighs together and flexing the muscles in them rhythmically. Her hand was resting on her crotch (but outside her diaper). Several times she said "Help me."

Help with what? Was she trying to masturbate? And if she were—umm, what is the relevant medical protocol? I assume that in principle sexual behavior would be classified as "just one more bodily function," albeit a pleasant one. And the whole point of hospice is to keep terminal patients comfortable. So what exactly is the official hospice line on masturbating patients who are too infirm to do the job successfully themselves?

Just to be 100% completely clear on this point, I did not—repeat, NOT—"help" Ma Schmidt with this job. Among my reasons (though this is not a complete list!) were the following: 

• I couldn't be sure that's what she wanted, because she couldn't talk coherently.
• Her son was in the same room at the time, and that's just squicky.
• Knowing the way the world is these days, I figure anyone who helps a helpless patient by masturbating them will probably go to jail or have to register for life as a sex offender. And neither of those options appeals to me.

At the same time, I can't help wondering: If she had wanted it, wouldn't it have been kinder to help her out? If you have any insight into this question, I would welcome comments or feedback.