Commitment to write?

What happened to my commitment to write once a day?  In June and July I sloughed off for a few days here and there, but nothing like this: it's ten days into August and this is the first time I have written anything.  What gives?  Sloth?  Boredom?

There's a way of looking at it that makes it not seem so bad, if I look at it narrowly.  August 1 was a Friday, and it so happened that I worked kinda late that evening.  The next week I had the boys with me, and in general my commitment to write has suffered during the weeks I have the boys.  So from one perspective that pretty much accounts for it.

From another perspective, maybe not so much.  I remember back when I first set myself the challenge of writing daily, in … what was it? April? … that one night I was about to go to bed and realized I hadn't written yet, so I dragged my lazy carcase up and sat down for half an hour.  Finished in mid-sentence, too.  Other times I wrote at work – taking time away from my paying job, it's true, but that's not news.

What has changed?  For one thing, I guess the challenge isn't so new any more.  I feel funny writing at home if the boys are there because I don't really want to explain what I'm doing.  There's been a lot to do at work: that is to say, the same long-term tasks were there in the spring, but I figured I had lots of time to tackle them; now it's the end of summer, and – miraculously enough – they haven't gotten themselves done, so I have reluctantly decided it's time to pitch in just a bit.  And my last couple weekends have been really slothful.

Why don't I want to tell the boys that I'm writing a journal?  Because I don't want to enter whatever conversation comes next.  Because I'm afraid that they'll think it's … gosh, I don't know exactly.  The only word I can think of is feminine, but that's kind of a strange word to choose.  Isn't it?  Or maybe self-absorbed.  (No, I don't think those are synonyms!)  I can picture them asking "Why?" and I honestly don't know the answer.  Maybe in order to understand myself better?  If so, how's it working?  I guess I do understand this or that a little better.  Does it help on a macro level?  I don't know.

I started this post on an airplane this afternoon, flying to another city for another week-long project with Hil.  This is a city I've never been to before, so I guess I'll have to think up a new name for it.  It's a small town in farm country with a big factory, so I guess I'll call it Sticksville.  As for the original topic of this post, I have no idea where to take it.  So I'll terminate this one and start another.