Flora and Marie

I talked with Marie this morning, and we discussed Flora a little bit. I told her that I had looked online for an obituary, but all I found was a date of death. (Last December.) Marie said, "There was a time when I would have known when it happened, but that was years ago."

"Do you mean you would have known without reading anything or being told in any way?" (Compare, e.g., this post.)

"Yes."

"When I was searching, I did find an obituary for her husband a few years ago. [He was a good bit older than Flora.] It said he left three children. Were they hers, or was she a second wife?"

"She was a second wife. Actually she wanted children of her own, but I think they were adults by the time she married their father so she never got a chance to raise them as children."

"And her husband didn't want any more at that point?"

"Or they decided not to have any, yes."

So I guess I can add Flora to the sad list from this post here: marrying a significantly older spouse, and no children. But wait!—as the ads say—there's more!

Then Marie went on. "Of course, I kept telling her that if she really wanted children she should find a man who wanted them too, instead of tying herself to an affair with a married man who didn't want children outside his marriage."

"Wait, what? Do you mean that before she married her husband she was having an affair with him?"

"No, it was two different men. She didn't marry Tony until years later. Her affair with Ray ended, … probably back in 1996 or so."

"But it was a long-term thing?"

"I think it started in 1983." [In other words, around the time we were all graduating, plus or minus a couple of years.]

I shook my head. "Busy girl." I then reminisced that when I first met Flora, I learned from R– that she had already had an affair with one of the science profs on campus. And later in our studenthood she established an ongoing relationship with both R– and Mac … at the same time, each with full knowledge of the other. Actually there was another woman involved too, and the only combination that did not end up fucking was Flora with the other woman. Flora really wasn't into women, much to Marie's disappointment.

Although they had drifted apart some years before I came on the scene, Marie contacted Flora again within the first year that she and I were together, to ask a couple of questions. But then she didn't maintain the relationship after that point. I asked her if she remembered why not.

"All she wanted to talk about was her cattery and her religion. And I didn't really want to connect with her over either of those. So I just let it drop."

I'm not sure whether Flora was boarding cats or actually breeding them, but I agree that doesn't sound terribly interesting. As for her religion … I'm not quite sure what that consisted of. I'm pretty sure it was something pagan or perhaps magical. I'm sure Marie didn't actually disapprove, but it seems like she felt there wasn't enough to hold onto. In any event, I also asked, "How did the two of you drift apart before? Bit by bit? Or was there a big blow-up? Or was it something else?"

The story came out in bits and pieces—only a few bits and pieces, at that. Partly, Marie had been trying to urge Flora to break up with the married man she was fucking, because Flora said she wanted children and was obviously never going to get them this way. (Of course, Marie may have had more basic ethical considerations in mind as well.) And finally, Flora did. Only … at that point Marie lived clear across the country. Because of multiple reasons, Marie quit her job and her career, and moved clear across the country to the region—and even the city—where Flora was living. She hoped that they would see each other more often as a result. Flora encouraged Marie to move to a part of the city from far away from the area where she herself lived, so it would actually not be easy for them to see each other. And Marie learned that Flora had gotten back together with her married man, and had kept it a secret from Marie. Then a few years later Flora moved to another city in the same region, but a few hours away. And Marie took all of this as input that prompted her to let the ties between them loosen and unravel.

This is the story she told me this morning. As I type it out, it feels like there is something missing. (It also feels very one-sided, like if I had asked Flora I would have gotten something completely different.) But I'll leave it here as a record, in case the question ever comes up later.