What's been happening lately?

I realize I have been out of touch for a long, long time. So long, in fact, that I just recently got a private e-mail asking, "Dear Hosea: Have you decided to proceed with a divorce? What has happened with D's? Did she put it off because of her husband's illness?" So yes, I realize it has been a while and maybe a quick summary of the last couple of months would be in order.

With minor smoothing out, here is how I replied.

D has indeed put off any steps towards divorce because of her husband's stroke. He is rebounding pretty well -- and is showing a lot more dedication to eating right and exercise than he ever did before -- but he has memory troubles and there are slight personality shifts. She says his sense of humor is almost completely gone, and he will forget to pay the bills for weeks at a time. This means that she pretty much has to go back to their (his) house every weekend, to check for bills that need paying, to check that there is food in the house, and stuff like that. She still says that she doesn't expect ever to live with him again on a full-time basis, but for the near term it is at any rate very convenient that she can sign checks and other forms with the title "Mrs."

On my side, ... well, I have put the divorce on a mental stack of things that I need to get back to but haven't yet. The last couple of months, Son 1 has been applying to high schools, and the process blows me away. Actually our local public high school isn't bad; but we at least want to consider a couple of private options as well, to see what might work out. (Among other things, a smaller school would give him less chance to fall through the cracks; and until he learns better self-organizational skills, that might be a good thing.) Only, ... I look at the application materials these schools sent out, and they require practically as much as I had to fill out to apply to college.

What does this have to do with me? Well, part of what they all want are statements (read: essays!) from the parents. Also, while of course Son 1 has to write all his own answers, I am not above reminding him that today would be an excellent time to sit down and work on them. (Time management is a skill he still needs to improve.) And there have been campus visits to coordinate, etc. What is more, I want to keep Wife as far away from the schools as possible, because honestly her social skills have deteriorated significantly in the last few years. So I worry that she could alienate Admissions officers.

Anyway, the result is that I haven't gotten back to my draft Parenting Plan document, my draft Financial Plan, and the rest of it. Meanwhile Wife and I have been living with separate money (more or less) and we don't talk or interact all that much. But we are in the same house with both boys, and we are both available to drive them places and spend time with them. It is kind of a temporary stasis. I don't think it can stay that way forever, but maybe by the time we push ahead we will have gotten a better idea of what "ahead" should look like. I am coming to believe that Wife will always have trouble living on her own, because she seems to have trouble with simple things like managing her money and time. D has remarked that it is very likely I'll have to live nearby in the long term, just so I can stop in every so often and make sure she has gotten out of bed and eaten recently. Or opened her bills. In some ways, D and I have both noticed that our situations are becoming more and more alike.

I have other things I want to write about -- I am maybe 2/3 of the way through another installment in the "On lying" series for instance. But this is just a thumbnail sketch which I hope can do duty for weeks and weeks of posting I haven't done. With luck and a little perseverance I'll be back before another month has gone by ....