Inga, again

So a couple months ago I got in touch with an old college friend, Inga, to ask her if she could give Son 1 some advice in job hunting. I talked about it here.

A few weeks later, Son 1 and I called her (and her husband) and talked by phone for maybe an hour or so. Son 1 told her what advice he had already gotten, and she gave him her story while telling him it takes a long time so he shouldn't give up hope. Afterwards he told me the phone call was kind of a good-news/bad-news joke in reverse: the bad news was that all the advice she gave him was stuff he had already heard, but the good news was that it made him believe he was on the right track.

And then time went by and I didn't have much reason to contact her. Ooops ... I recognize this pattern. This is why I have so few friends: I don't put myself out there as much as I should. So I decided to drop her another note, just to keep in touch.

Hi ho! ... or “Happy spring equinox!” or even just “Hello again!” as takes your fancy.

Just a quick note to say Hi. Things are plugging along here. Son 1 continues to send out resumes and to talk to people, but so far the only actual offer he’s gotten (and this was yesterday) was from someone starting a defense-related blog who is looking for content and said he could pay something for articles. Not sure how useful that will be in the long run, but maybe it’s a start ...? Meanwhile he has taken over making dinner on a regular basis, which is getting me spoiled. Gosh, just think when he’s actually hired somewhere and I have to go back to feeding myself. (Sigh.)

Last month I flew to Sticksville for a week to conduct a large project for work, and I learned a very important lesson: Never travel to Sticksville in February. (Maybe this should have been obvious, in retrospect. Better talk to the moron who scheduled it. Oh right, that was me.) Next week I’ll be in the Faraway City for another project [that's where I am right now], and a couple weeks after that in [somewhere else again]. At least it’s not as many as it was a couple years ago, when someone in my home office greeted me one morning with, “Do you still work here?” (I think he was kidding.)

Sounds like dinner is almost done. I hope this finds you well.

Best now and ever,

Hosea

Inga responded shortly after with this:

And "Hi!" back to you! Wow, hard to believe it's Equinox already.

Please let Son 1 know I'm cheering him on. Getting published certainly doesn't hurt and--who knows--just might help. Regardless, It's a slog. It took me more than 100 applications to get back on board in 2010-2011 and my soul sure took a beating in the process. In the end, though, I was able to work out a happy ending. I'm looking forward to hearing what Son 1 works out. It will be something grand, though, I know. That guy's got the right skills and training.

As for me, just buried in writing and researching and grading and writing and researching and grading. Looking forward to going home to hubby come June.

All the best,

Inga  

Just keeping you all up to date ....
   

Dreaming of Inga

[To be clear, I am writing and posting this in late June, 2020. I was looking through some old notes of mine, found this -- with its date -- and wondered why I'd never posted it here. So here goes.]

It was a few months ago that I got back in touch with Inga, and last night I dreamt that I was visiting her and we were interacting in the casual way of lovers. In fact when I thought about it (in the dream) I had very clear memories of visiting her not long after getting back in touch, and of our ending up in bed together. [This absolutely never happened in real life!] The memory was so clear that as I drifted back and forth between sleeping and waking I had a lot of trouble being sure what was really true.

And when I finally did remember the reality, I was disappointed. Not so much missing the sex itself, but the warmth and closeness and joy.
  

Inga

Of course, another part of the reason that I spent Monday thinking about old friends so much is that I had just reconnected with one a couple days before. Nothing romantic this time, although Inga was a pretty girl back when I was in college. But Son 1 is due to graduate next weekend and is looking for a job ... ideally with the Federal government. I seemed to recall that Inga had worked for some other branch of the Federal bureaucracy years ago, so I thought maybe I could look her up and ask her for some advice for him. Even if she weren't interested in talking to me again, everybody loves to be asked for advice ... right? It's flattering.

So I dithered and dawdled for way too long and then on Saturday I finally composed the following e-mail to her.

Hello Inga,

I hope this finds you well. Yes, it has been decades since we spoke last; and no, I haven’t kept in touch during that time. These days I am in contact with only a couple of people from college: Marie, whom you might remember; and Schmidt, whom you might not. Some years ago I connected with M-- on LinkedIn, but after saying “Hello” we never continued the conversation.

 

I’m writing to ask your advice. My Son 1 graduates from college this month, and is hoping to find work with the federal government. By itself that tells you almost nothing, of course, and I’ll add some details in a minute; but my basic question is, Do you have any advice for someone beginning such a job hunt?

 

Son 1’s degree is in Security, from [his college], with a minor in International Relations. His senior thesis studied the process of naval acquisitions, or, Why the Navy won’t get the 355 new ships they are asking for. When I asked him to write an elevator speech to explain his goals in a nutshell, he sent me the following two sentences: “I have been studying global security, international affairs, national policy, and intelligence matters, and how to present those topics in both written and verbal form. I am looking for intelligence, policy, or security jobs that will get my foot in the door with the federal government.”

 

Son 1 has submitted a few applications already, but the federal government is so vast that I know I am out of my depth giving him job-hunting advice. But I also know you went through that process successfully, even though you are doing other things now; and if you had any generalities you were willing to pass along to someone who is just starting, he and I would be grateful.

 

Other than that — gosh, I could catch you up on 35 years worth of news but I can’t promise it would hold your interest. At a high level it follows a familiar arc: marriage, house in the suburbs, dog, two kids ... followed by separation, selling the house, sending the kids off to school, and moving into a small apartment in town, not in exactly that order but close enough. (The dog died of old age.) I’ll spare you the details unless you ask. And I’d love to hear your own story. It’s true I found hints on the Internet, at least enough to find an email address, but no more than hints. If you are interested in picking up conversation after this long, that would be grand.

 

But in any event, I would still be very grateful if you had any advice I could pass to Son 1.

 

Hoping to hear back, and with all best wishes,

Hosea

I wrote this while sitting in the Denver airport between flights; and after sending it I got up to walk around for a while. Nobody gets an answer right away to anything like this. She would have to find it in her email (could be days), read it, then decide if she even wanted to reply to me, then get around to writing it ... all this stuff. Right? No point being antsy about it. But of course I was.

Finally I couldn't stop myself from pulling out my phone to check my mail. She had answered already -- in eight minutes. Hot damn. She wrote:

Hi Hosea,

 

I'm absolutely thrilled to hear from you and would be happy to offer whatever input I might have of value on the joys and pains of Federal life. And, shockingly, I also genuinely AM interested in whatever additional life details you might care to share. My story, in a nutshell, is married to the love of my life but temporarily physically separated while (finally) working on my doctorate, retired from bouncing around the State Department and Intelligence Community, failed as an artist but loving my garden, and not had any dogs for way too long. I promise you more details too, should you so desire.

 

I'm absolutely available to either email or talk with your son, but do ask for a few day's pause, first. Unfortunately, you caught me right in the middle of writing a final due Monday. (Joy!) I'll be free to talk on Tuesday, and then heading home to hubby on Wednesday, but am most available to talk after that.

 

Also, if you're on Facebook and interested, I'm "Inga." I'd be happy to be your friend (not that there's ever been a time I haven't considered myself just that).

 

All my very, very best,

 

Inga

 

And yes, this made me giddy for the rest of the trip home. As I say, I'm not expecting anything romantic out of it -- did you notice that after I told her I was separated she was very careful to slip in the words "married to the love of my life" as if they were tossed off casually? I did. But it was great to hear such enthusiasm from somebody I had been very fond of 35 years ago.

 

We exchanged a couple more emails very quickly, including phone numbers. Then yesterday I called her and we talked for half an hour or so.

 

She sounds just the same. She said the same of me. I got time to tell her just a bit about my life and to tell one "Proud Poppa" story -- her first question, though, was "Are you happy?" which you may remember was one of my leading questions to Marie three years ago. And I heard a bit about what her life has looked like.

 

One thing, from the job hunting side. It turns out that the work she spent 16 years doing for the government was literally, exactly what Son 1 wants to do. So I am more than ever determined to get the two of them to talk ... maybe in a week or two, during the holidays.

 

On the other hand, I can already see a complication if she and Son 1 start talking regularly, so that he takes one of her calls while visiting Wife (or even if he just mentions her in Wife's presence). Inga's first name in real life is the same as D's, and of course Wife now hates D with a purple passion. I can see that becoming an awkward scene until Son 1 can explain to her that they are two totally different people who happen to share a first name.

 

Also, Inga is doing some research for her dissertation that will pull her towards this part of the country, so she has already told me that some time in the spring she will be stopping into town to see me.

 

I keep saying that there's nothing romantic here, by which I mean we're certainly not going to end up fucking. But God knows I feel a frisson that comes because she was a pretty girl that I was very fond of 35 years ago. And I found a photo of her on the web ... she's still a pretty girl, even if she's in her 50's. So yes, I have a bit of a goofy grin on my face and a spring in my step. It's a good feeling.