When do we tell the children?

I have been assuming that I would wait till Son 2 is safely packed off to boarding school in the fall, and then ask Wife for a divorce. But today it occurred to me that maybe I should make it just a little sooner.

What I read is that when you tell your kids (and that has to be after I tell Wife, right?) the two of you should be there together, in person, and you should present it as a mutual decision. If I wait till they are both at school, then when can we tell them: Thanksgiving Break? Great way to liven up the holiday, huh? And what are the odds that Wife can keep from calling them ahead of time to wail about the unfairness of it all? Maybe not high.

So what if we choose mid-August? Just before they leave ... Son 1 for his Junior year, Son 2 for his Freshman year? Maybe it is a burden to start the year with, but then we also notify the schools that maybe the boys will need some extra support, ... and hell, they won't be the first students whose parents are divorcing. The schools should have some idea how to support them.

I figure we should say, "Look, we haven't had time to settle any of the details yet, but we'll take care of that this fall. We both want to have as little conflict as possible, because that hurts everybody. We both want this to be as fair as possible for everybody. So don't worry about how it will turn out because we will handle it like grown-ups." We may be lying through our teeth to say that, but it has to be the right thing to say.

By that time, I had better have worked out my version of a Parenting Plan and a Financial Plan, with my lawyer's help. I figure to tell Wife I've been seeking advice on how to work things out "fairly" and suggest that she come with me to my lawyer's office ... then let my lawyer take over. Wife won't like much of what I have in mind, of course. I hope to be able to persuade her, however, that any other possible outcome will be even worse for her. I even think that's true, because I think that if we fight there will be nothing left.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. The gist of my idea was, How about if we drop this on the boys just before they leave for school in the fall?

Oh, and I had an idea how to keep Wife from wailing to the boys (and everyone else) that mean old Hosea is picking on her by asking to leave. I can introduce the topic to her by saying that I know she has already told her online boyfriends she wants to leave me as soon as the boys leave home in the fall. How do I know? Because she went to bed one night still logged into her online chat, with that conversation sitting staring at me on the screen. That's even true, at any rate in all but the smallest of details. Then I can tell her that I'm not angry, because I think she is right ... we really have pretty much come to the end. How about if we tell the boys now, and then start planning the arrangements once they go? She can hardly complain if it is all her idea. The fact that I had the very same idea quite independently just shows that maybe it's a pretty logical one ....

Of course, it'll be a hell of a way for them to start the school year. But then maybe, just maybe, they won't be all that surprised.