Would you rent a car for this man? part 4

It just doesn't stop.
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Scene: Dinner time. Hosea and Wife are at the table. Son 2 is on a week-long field trip with his school, miles and miles and miles away.


Hosea: Well, what interesting happened in your day?

Wife: Well I got another text message from Pop asking if we could get together for lunch or something in the next couple of days. I said sure, maybe, if he could pay for it.

Hosea: I thought Pop was completely gone. Didn't I hear that right?

Wife: No, I never said he was completely gone. I asked him when I could have my money and jewelry back, and he said he can't get them for a few days but maybe Friday.

Hosea: Jewelry?? What jewelry?

Wife: Oh, that was when he was over here. He came back into the bedroom and saw my jewelry chest open, and he was admiring it. Then I made the mistake of leaving him alone in the room for a few minutes, and afterwards when he left I couldn't find this and that piece any more. I called him and told him I knew he had them, but he just yelled at me that I was crazy. I told him I wanted them back or I'd call the police and report them stolen, and he just said "I'm not talkin' to no fuckin' tin star!" Then he hung up on me.

Hosea: When was this?

Wife: Last week. Then Son 2 saw him loading stuff into his van, and there was a box whose lid was open, and the lid was mirrored ... and Son 2 said the inside was all metal. So I'm sure he has a bunch of jewelry in there that he was packing into his car.

Hosea: Son 2? Wait a minute -- how did Son 2 get into the story?

Wife: That was last Friday, when I texted him to ask when we were getting together so he could pay me my money and he texted back "We aren't. I'm gone." That was right about the time I was supposed to pick up Son 2 from school. So first I called Avis to make sure he hadn't rented another car on my credit card, and then I went to get Son 2. Only after I got him I drove past Pop's house to see if I could find him there. He was loading a bunch of stuff into his truck because he was leaving town, and I told him I wanted my money back. He said he'd have to get it from the ATM downtown, so I could drive down behind him if I wanted. We both got in our cars and somehow he worked it so that I pulled out first; so I headed off in the direction of downtown and then he peeled out of his driveway going the other direction. So I turned around and tried to follow him; and I called him and asked "Where are you going?" He said, "I'm trying to lose you." Well I wasn't going to drive recklessly with Son 2 in the car [Although you'll remember that's not what she said to her other Internet boyfriend.] So I asked Son 2 to dial 9-1-1, and then I told them that he had been drinking and now was driving ... also I described the car and gave them the license plate ... also I said that he was probably transporting stolen goods. The lady on the phone said, "You sound like you know him!" and I told her, "Yes I know him." She said, "Well I'll put out an APB, but we have to catch him in a violation to have a reason to pull him over."
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There was more. I can't remember it all. But after a while I finally had to ask, ...

Hosea: Have you called the police yet, to report the jewelry stolen?

Wife: Well not yet. I don't want to make him mad, because he has got a terrible temper. And the last time I asked him about all this he said he needed a few days and then he could give me "all my stuff." So I figured that might include the jewelry as well as my money. And I told him I wanted to be really clear on this because we seem to keep having these communication problems. Like then he went into a rant where he accused me of calling Avis five times, and I told him "If they said that then they were lying because I only called them once and I don't want to be accused of something I didn't do."

Hosea: OK, listen. Stop. You can't waste time worrying about what he accused you of.

Wife: But it wasn't true.

Hosea: Who cares? Whatever words come out of his mouth, they don't mean anything. You can't let yourself get caught up in worrying about them. If he promises something, or if he accuses, or whatever ... it doesn't matter. You have much bigger things to worry about. His promises especially don't mean anything. You will probably never see your money or jewelry again.

Wife: Yeah, I was afraid I might not get them back ....

Hosea: You can't be afraid. Just face up to it as a fact. Especially if you haven't gone to the police yet. And every day you put it off makes it less likely. And even that probably isn't your biggest worry. Everything you have told me about this fellow makes me suspect that you may be at risk for him physically hurting you. [I don't know what I heard that told me that, and I don't know if I have reported anything in this story that gives you the same impression or if those details have fallen through the cracks of my narrative. But when I said this I felt it as a certainty.] I don't know if he'd also be likely to hurt Son 2 or me, but I think there is a good chance he could come after you.

Wife: I know. That's another reason I haven't gone to the police yet.

Hosea: But you can't solve this yourself, and there is nothing for you to do except go to the police. You should have done it as soon as you saw the jewelry was missing.

Wife: I guess. But then I have to get a restraining order against him at the same time. And you know, I'd feel a lot better in this house alone during the day if you'd give me my gun back.

Oh great, just what we need! After all, she has shown so much prudence, restraint, and responsible judgement lately ... not. The last thing we need is for her to be armed with lethal force on top of it.

Hosea: No, I think that's a bad idea. There are too many stories of intruders getting the gun away from homeowners and using it on them. [I figure that's a reason she might buy.]

Wife: Oh, but mine is a snub-nosed .38, so it's really hard for anyone to grab the barrel and force it away from me. All I'd have to do is pull the trigger.

Hosea: But you wouldn't. Look at everything that has happened the last ... how long has it been?

Wife: I met him six weeks ago.

Hosea: Fine, look at the last six weeks. Time and again you have had something happen that should have been a trigger for you, that something was wrong. And every time you have hesitated and pulled back. That's why you haven't called the police yet. That's why you keep giving him "just one more chance." And that moment of hesitation is all he would need to get the gun away from you, because in that moment you wouldn't shoot! Figuratively speaking, you haven't "shot" at any time in the last six weeks, when you've had plenty of reason. So you wouldn't this time. Don't tell yourself that you'd have the nerves of James Bond. You'd falter ... and that is why it is far safer for you not to have a gun in the house. All you need to be armed with is a telephone. If he comes to the house to threaten you, call 9-1-1.

Wife: But he could kill me before the police get here.

Hosea: That depends on how long you wait before calling them. If you wait till he's already inside and holding a weapon on you, yes. If you call when he pulls up in front of the house (assuming you already have a restraining order) ... and if you then leave the phone off the hook so they can track the call, bolt the door, and hide deep in the house ... they'll get here pretty fast. We're in a city, not way out in the country -- the police can get here very fast when they need to.

Wife: Well, I would really need the restraining order. I don't even know how to file those.

Hosea: Ask the police. They deal with that stuff every day. They'll walk you through it.

Wife: [vacantly and without conviction] Yes, well I'll do it tomorrow.

Hosea: Hey, I have another question. If he did want revenge, do you think he'd take it on me or Son 2? Or just on you?

Wife: Oh, I think he'd just want revenge on me.

Hosea: Well then what if -- once you have filed a police report and given them all the information they need -- what if you disappeared? Go spend a few days with my parents. Or go stay with your friend Leia ... she'll be back in town tomorrow. Then you just won't be around. Would you be safer that way?

Wife: Maybe so, ... yes ....

Hosea: Well think about it.
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I know -- it's crazy. And why am I still here? I know -- that's crazy too.

When I told her she would falter at the critical moment, I was only partly thinking of the stories she has been telling me. Also, I was thinking of this post here, written by Alone over at The Last Psychiatrist. It is way too easy for a bully to manipulate -- almost to mesmerize -- his victim, to make the victim do anything he wants while the victim squirms but can't break out of the spell. I have known too many bullies in my life not to recognize the pattern. And it is obvious that Pop is a bully. So yeah, I recognize the pattern.

It's a mess.