Every blog goes through cycles.
There are periods when you find yourself bursting with thoughts. Everything reminds you of something else, and you have to talk about all of it.
And then there are times when you just have nothing to say.
So maybe it's time for me to quote Ed Koch and ask, "How'm I doing?" Not because I need to hear an answer from you—if anybody is out there reading this—but just to put a marker in the ground to let you know how ... in fact ... I am doing.
Let me look at the blog for a minute. In the last three months—January, February, and March—I have posted five times. The last two times that I show five posts (or fewer) in three months were both in 2018:
- August, 1. September, 3. October, 0
- January, 0. February, 1. March, 4.
So it has happened before, and I've pulled out of it. Doubtless I'll pull out again, however implausible that might look in the moment.
How AM I doing?
I've been trying to exercise at the beginning of every day. What with other things showing up in my calendar, "every day" seems to mean four or five times a week. After I exercise, I'm wiped out for hours. I take a nap. I sit idly in front of the computer. I can scarcely formulate thoughts. But hey, I exercised.
I'm trying to eat less. Maybe if I exercise and also eat less, I'll lose some weight. It has worked in years past—I know, because I have records. But not now, or at any rate not yet. Maybe I haven't hit the right combination yet. Or maybe there are calories in alcohol, and I should ... you know ... cut down on those calories as well. I do that successfully for a couple days at a time, or even longer. But if I take credit for too much success, then tonight will be an epic failure.
I'm trying to get more sleep. Not tonight, of course, because I've already spent way too long trying to figure out a trivial formatting issue on this blog. But ... you know ... on other nights.
I have kept up publishing in my professional blog on a weekly basis. Readership goes up and down. One frivolous post a few weeks ago got over 500 pageviews. A piece that I thought might be more useful last week got 30. I have no idea what makes the difference.
I have made zero progress on the book I told you I was writing ... what was that? Five years ago? Six? A long time, in any event.
You know I follow the blog and writings of John Michael Greer. Months ago, some people talked about putting on a convention of Greer's readers this summer, and started a website where individuals could express interest. I expressed interest a month ago and have been trying to contact the principals ever since. Nothing, of course.
I talk to Marie once a week, over Teams. I talk to Debbie once a week, over Zoom. I visit the UU Sangha once a week, in person. That's most of my social interaction right there.
I had lunch today with a guy I used to work with. He was recently laid off when his company closed this office, and he's retirement age. So being out of work doesn't seem to worry him a lot. But he still has his resume out, he is in touch with a bunch of people we both used to work with, and he is trying to line up musical gigs for his band (where he plays bass). He's also actively involved as a trainer for a local organization that helps families who have to deal with mental illness, because his 20-year-old daughter is suffering. Wow, I never knew there WAS such an organization back when I still lived with Wife! It's great to know that my friend is so involved with the community, and with other people. It's great to know that he isn't stuck at home, isolated and socially withdrawn.
I wonder what that must be like?
I try to do a Tarot reading every morning to predict what's going to happen in the day. The idea is that by making predictions and then comparing them with reality, maybe I can get better at it. Well ... sometimes they match and sometimes they don't. I don't know if I'm getting any better. Usually I can predict my day pretty well, but that's because I never do anything unexpected.
The closest thing I have to a daily record of what's going on with me is what I write the next morning when I'm trying to evaluate the cards from the day before. Even then I sometimes miss a few days because I never get around to the reading. I'm pretty sure there are no gems buried in that data that you'd have any interest in hearing about.
What else is there to say? Not a lot, I think. I've just summarized the last several months for you, and it took you only a couple of minutes to read. Efficient, isn't it?
Maybe later I'll think of something else to say.
