Happy Thanksgiving

Actually it wasn’t bad.  After all Son 1’s worries about a “shit-storm” between Wife and my dad, they were pretty civil to each other.

Of course, part of the credit goes to Son 1.  Because of his (all too natural) worries, he took the initiative to talk with my father and with Wife separately to broker a deal that each of them would be on their best behavior.  My dad wouldn’t make feminist jokes or quote Rush Limbaugh (both of which annoy Wife), not would he start singing old show tunes (which deeply embarrasses Son 2, whose school we were visiting for Thanksgiving).  Wife, in turn, would not take the bait and start carping in case my dad slipped up, and she would otherwise be sweet and presentable.  I had been thinking in the back of my head I would have to have this conversation with both of them, but Son 1 beat me to it.  Good for him.

I tried to reinforce this message in a long conversation with Wife Tuesday night, one that may in retrospect not have done much good but I felt I ought to try.  I was trying to encourage her not to feel so combative about her life in general, using my father as a test case, and asked her “Even if he starts saying stupid shit, trashing your political opinions or lobbing worn-out personal barbs in your direction, why do you take it seriously? Why not just figure he’s talking but it’s only talk? Does it buy you anything to prove to him that you are right? Does it feed you or pay your bills?”  No, of course not.  “Then why do you care? What do you lose if you just let him blather on aimlessly?”

“Face.”

Oh.  Right.  Whatever.  The conversation took a lot longer than that, but that was the gist of it.  Anyway, she did promise to be nice on Thanksgiving Day.

And so it was a pleasant day.  There was no bickering.  We got to see Son 2, whose school always puts on a huge feast for Thanksgiving, inviting families and friends to come there rather than sending the students home.  My brother and his girlfriend visited too, and we all wandered around and overate.  It was fun, especially considering how other family visits have gone.  The only downside from my point of view was that Wife never stopped talking for the whole trip, and so there was a running patter of the sound of her voice on the edge of my consciousness for hours.  When we got home I had to go out to walk around the block for an hour or so, just to clear my head and get some quiet.  But I suppose this might be at least partly because I never talk to her and she doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to most days.  Maybe the prospect of having human interaction made her feel like a kid in a candy store.  I could spin other theories, but that’s the most generous so I’ll stick with it ….