Paying Alfred

I wrote you about getting a call from my old college buddy Alfred, who asked me for a couple thousand dollars. It took me a couple of days to come to a decision, but in the end I wrote him a check for $500. 

My analysis of his situation continues to be that there is a lot he isn't saying. As I explained in my last post, the story he gave doesn't work because the timing is wrong: he says he spent a bunch of money looking after his mother, but she died several years ago. What has he been doing since then, that has gotten him into a financial crunch NOW? The first time I asked this, I got an artful non-answer. When I pointed out that he hadn't answered—and also said, Fine, don't tell me, I don't need to know"—he added that yes, there was more to it: his tutoring business had fallen off during the pandemic. I did not bother to remind him that the pandemic was four years ago, so this explanation is as bad as the other. The timing is wrong. So one way or another, he is not telling the whole story. And if it is that important for him to hide parts of the story, those parts must be pretty ugly. I assume that it's probably something like drugs, gambling, or—at the absolute best—skull-cracking financial stupidity.

How did I make my decision? Partly I just sat and mulled. And partly I read Tarot for it. You recall that I started reading Tarot something like three years ago. What's more, even if you think that the cards really are random, there is an advantage for someone like me—who is often afflicted with indecision—to use an external tool like the Tarot to come to closure. Sometimes, after all, any decision is better than no decision. (For a more thorough account of the mechanisms by which divination works—including at least two mechanisms that even the most hardened skeptic would acknowledge—see this article from October 2016 by John Michael Greer.) I won't reproduce pictures for all the cards that I laid out, but I asked a number of questions and the answers seemed pretty consistent.

If you think that reading Tarot is dumb, feel free to skip the rest of this post. (Though there is a little more narrative towards the end.)

What happens if I give Alfred money? 

• 5 Pentacles reversed, 3 Swords reversed, 5 Wands reversed. 
• He avoids destitution, he avoids heartbreak, and he avoids fights. But things are still grim.

What happens if I LEND Alfred money?

• Queen Pentacles, 8 Pentacles, King Swords reversed.
• The first two cards suggest some minor interim profit, but the last one looks like legal troubles: ruinous lawsuits and unfair decisions. 

What happens if I DON'T give Alfred money?

• Wheel of Fortune, King Swords, Page Pentacles.
• A surprisingly positive layout. It suggests he'll have good luck and get a new student (or more than one, of course). It also says the decision itself would be just but "suspicious and overcautious."

Is his story true?

(For yes/no questions, I lay out five cards. Then I read the first one, the first three, and all five. Each time I count upright cards as Yes, and reversed cards as No. Majority vote wins. This gives me three answers. If they all agree, then I take that as a simple Yes or No. If they don't, that's some version of "It's complicated.")

• Strength reversed, 9 Pentacles, Knight Swords reversed, High Priestess, 10 Wands.
• Reading the first card, then the first three, and then all five gives me No, No, and Yes. This agrees with what I deduced independently above: there might be elements of truth to the story, but a lot is missing.
• In case you wondered, I read the individual cards to say (in order): 
• He says his problems come from looking after his mother, but at bottom they stem from weakness.
• He might have had an inheritance from his mother. (And where is it now?)
• Part of his problem may come from reckless spending.
• There's more to this situation than he is telling you.
• But it is true he is carrying a heavy burden right now.

Alfred asked me for a thousand dollars, or maybe "a few thousand." If I give him $1000, will I regret it later?

• 4 Pentacles, Chariot, 5 Cups, 8 Swords reversed, 3 Cups.
• That's Yes, Yes, and Yes.

All of those readings were Saturday afternoon. We emailed just a little bit more. I went to get a haircut, and told my barber about the call (but not the Tarot readings); right away my barber said, He needs to pay his drug dealer! 

I spent Sunday having lunch and a delightful long chat with Son 1, who lives in driving distance. I had forgotten it was Father's Day! Of course I told Son 1 about the call as well, and he agreed with my barber. Later Sunday evening, I emailed Marie and Schmidt to give them an abbreviated account as well, if only as a heads-up. (They both remembered Alfred from back when we were all undergraduates together.) 

Monday morning I finally looked at my income and expenses over the last two years, to try to guess what I could afford. Everyone I had talked to assumed that naturally I wouldn't give him a dime, and I was toying with that idea. But a part of me didn't want to be a complete asshole, and kept reminding me silently, "There but for the grace of God go you." So sometime Monday I lay out one more reading.

If I give Alfred $500, will I regret it later?

• Lovers reversed, 5 Wands, Knight Wands reversed, Death reversed, Wheel of Fortune reversed.
• That's No, No, and No. 

Fine. Good enough. I wrote a check for $500, put it in an envelope with a stamp, and put it in the outgoing mail. Then I sent him an email telling him it was on its way, and making clear that this is a gift. 

A gift? Definitely! I had already been uncomfortable with the idea of making a loan because I think it is difficult to do that with people who are not strangers: the whole dynamic between creditor and debtor is very different from that between friends, or even that between buddies-forty-years-ago. The reading above just confirmed my reluctance, by hinting that I might well never see my money back again anyway. Better to acknowledge it as a gift up front. Also this way I don't have to invest myself in the belief that he is going to make it. 

He replied, thanking me and promising to keep in touch. I wonder about that. We weren't in touch for forty years, after all. And exchanging money feels to me like something that is likely to put a big damper on any future communication. But I guess we'll see.