After discovering this conversation, I spent a couple of days being pretty disturbed. I wrote to D, who was just as alarmed as I was but who suggested I contact my lawyer. I had wanted to do that anyway, because I know that sometimes there are mandatory reporting requirements on child protection issues and I had no idea what those rules might be where we live.
My lawyer thought it was just as creepy as I did (no surprise), but she had a more productive idea. She called a child protection hotline anonymously and read them the conversation. She answered a couple of questions they had, based on what she knew of the situation, but gave no names. They answered that it sounded very unlikely to them that anything had ever "happened": yes, it is something to watch for the future; but no, there is probably no need to panic.
Obviously I was very relieved to hear this, for several reasons. I couldn't get out of my mind that I had had a week-long business trip out of the country just about a week after Wife had written her message. (I even wrote you about the last weekend of the trip, here.) So I was kicking myself with worry retroactively. Also, as luck would have it, I had another trip scheduled in a couple of days. I tried to figure out how bad it would be if I cancelled it: I supposed I could conduct the meetings by telephone (not very efficiently, but half-assed). The ticket was non-refundable, so either my company or I would have to pay for it either way. And somehow it made me feel worse about making the trip that I have plans to see D. The last thing I wanted to do was to leave Son 2 callously in the hands of a predatory mother just so I could go see my girlfriend. That thought, and the second-guessing myself that it provoked, haunted me for a couple of days.
On the other hand, there was nothing I could do about the trip in October. It was in the past and I hadn't known back then. That is, I knew in general that Wife is nuts, but I didn't know about this conversation. And Son 2 was glad when I came back, but in a way that was excited rather than relieved. So I was cautiously optimistic that I didn't have to cancel my plans on the spot.
The night before I left I tried to ask Son 2 how old he had been when he finally stopped sleeping in our bed even on occasion. I tried to find a casual way to ask the question, but obviously I bungled it: he sat silent, staring straight ahead and looking terribly guilty, before finally mumbling, "That was years ago." And my heart froze: Was I wrong in my confidence of only a couple hours before? I weighed the question back and forth the rest of the night: he didn't seem to act oddly or wrong, but then what made me think I know what to look for? I came no closer to any peace of mind, and still kept open in the back of my head the chance of cancelling everything at the very last minute. Of course my ability to do so diminished by the hour, ... but just maybe .... I'm not very good at prayer, but that's where I ended up.
The next morning, Son 2 helped me load my bags in the car and I said simply, "I've been thinking more about it, and I'd really please like to ask that you sleep in your own bed, even if Mom tells you she's lonely or wants company." (I figure Son 2's soft spot is probably his compassion, so that's the way a predator could most likely get at him.) He just snorted disgustedly as if I had asked him not to eat baby food or library paste, and said "Obviously." And I felt better. I won't give up on prayer, though.
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I don't think your wife is "predatory", but as you yourself admit, she is mentally unstable. I think that makes her an ideal target for someone like Creepy chat guy, who is DEFINITELY a predator.
In some ways, she is as much a victim as your son potentially is.
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