Talking with the boys

Before this summer started, I began collecting a list of things I wanted to discuss with Son 1 and Son 2.  Some of them are practical things about shipping Son 1 off to college in a couple months.  But there were a few other things on my mind too, of a more personal nature.

I addressed the first couple after we had unloaded a lot of their stuff at Wife's place and as we were driving back to mine:

Have I ever explained to you why I live in such a small place? and Have I ever explained to you why I don't have an Internet connection in my apartment?

Of course I have explained both of these things to you, my long-suffering readers.  The first one was a topic in this post, and the second in this one.  But they answered (as I suspected they might) that I had never really explained any of it to them.

So I tried to, although I was improvising words as I drove and not typing them out in paragraphs.  And when I had finished, Son 2 said, "So basically you're saying that you want to be a hippie in the woods, living off the land?"

I clarified that I don't have the practical skills to live off the land, and don't much want to acquire them or to have to do that much work.  But as far as the ideal of living simply goes, ... well, yeah, I think that has a lot to be said for it.  He lobbed back, "So you're still basically trying to be a hippie, then."  Son 2 was born in 1998.  I'm not completely sure he knows what a hippie is.  But I let it go.  Instead I joked back, "What was your first clue?"

"Well I don't know.  You didn't use to be like this!"

"That's because I didn't have much choice.  I'd decide that No, I didn't want to buy this or that, and then I'd come home from work and find that somehow we had bought it anyway!"  Traditionally I have tried not to bad-mouth Wife in front of the boys, but they know we used to fight over money a lot, so I didn't think this would shock them.  Anyway, then the conversation drifted off elsewhere.

Then last night we were talking about my dad -- in particular the boys were discussing some of the things they find particularly difficult about him -- and so I ventured one version of another question, one that my current counselor had proposed:

You know, they don't give you a manual when you become a parent [they interrupt with cries of "That's not fair!"] and so a lot of the time I'm winging it. And there are a lot of things I never ask ["Thank you! It's really appreciated!"] because my own dad can be so intrusive. But maybe I overcompensate the other direction. Anyway, I just wondered -- and you can think about this and tell me later if you think of something -- is there something I should be doing that I'm not? Or that I shouldn't be doing, that I am? Because if yes, ... can you let me know what?

All they said last night was "Naaah, Dad, you're doing fine" before they changed the subject ... possibly because I bet I came across as kind of awkward asking it.  I'm not sure if I really said what I wanted to say.  But I should probably wait just a bit before coming back to it for a repeat ....