Lawrence, again

I've told you how I love the movie "Lawrence of Arabia". Well I saw it again last night with Son 1, and I was struck by a clear resemblance between Lawrence and me.

No, it's not the brilliance, nor the ambition. It's certainly not the courage, God knows, nor the resistance to pain, nor the fluency in Arabic, nor the good looks. None of that.

But Lawrence suffered from bouts of "Mood 2".

Every time he is dealt a serious setback, he crumples; then he flees back to Cairo and asks to be relieved of duty. He's fragile and he wants to go hide.

That's exactly how it works for me too. It might be a serious setback, or a loud noise, or ... any of a number of triggers. And I crumple and want to go hide. Whatever strength or courage I had an hour ago has evaporated and I just have to flee.

Then after a while it goes away and I'm better again. Allenby gets Lawrence back in the fight by re-inflating his megalomania, his half-sensed notion that he's a demigod. That's poor fare to feed on because it's not nourishing; but in the short run, like coffee or some drugs, it's incredibly stimulating. I know that too, even though I've never had nearly as much grounds for megalomania as Lawrence ever did. But I understand how it feels.