Tired

My God, but I'm tired.

I've gone into the office every day this week. I'm nearly the only one there, except for the crew that are dismantling the place around me because we are shutting it down. But my desk there is set up more comfortably than my desk at home, and I'm not so near my refrigerator. I can still get distracted but it's a better place to work.

And by 3:30 this afternoon I was so dead tired that I had to pack up and go home. I can think of a couple of possible reasons.

• I've taken over responsibility for supporting a bunch of projects that are being worked-on by a team on the other side of the world — literally — and so once or twice a week I have to join a phone call at 4:30 in the morning, my time. So I've taken to getting up at 4:00, joining the call, then having breakfast or showering or whatever else I decide to do until I pull up my socks and get back to work. It's as if I just moved east by two time zones. So from that point of view, 3:30 is "really" 5:30, which is a fine time to knock off work and go home.
  
  
• I haven't exercised in a month.
  
  
• When COVID-19 broke out we shut off the coffee machine at work, fearing it could be a source of infection. Yes, if I get myself organized I can bring coffee from home, but that requires … you know … getting organized.
  
  
• I'm starting to realize that I really do have to move to Sticksville. It's supposed to be less than two months from now. I better get organized. Get rid of stuff I don't need. Pack. How much of this do I want to do? Bupkes.
  
  
• I have a new boss now. My former boss was here in this country on a four-year contract and visa. That expired at the end of 2020 and he went home. Yesterday I had a goal-setting phone call with my new boss. The week before I'd had another call with him. The takeaways seem to be:
• The stuff I'm particularly strong at is unimportant to him, and I should stop doing it. I should do more of the stuff that everyone else in the department does.
• I'm overpaid. (He didn't quite use those words, but it was clear.)
• He can't for the life of him figure out what my former boss saw in me, why he insisted that I be offered a transfer, or why he rated me so highly in his year-end review. This new guy admits he doesn't know me yet, but he also says he doesn't see it.
• He really hated it when I even hinted that I might have accepted the job in Sticksville because I couldn't find a job here at home. OK, dude, I get that you don't want me to say things like that. So I won't. Doesn't stop them from being true, but if you don't want to hear the truth I don't have to tell you. Suit yourself. 
• It feels like the list goes on and on. They were two very long phone calls.
  
  
• Or maybe it's just the sleep apnea. I'd forgotten all about that until I logged in to post this.

Of course now I've been home for a couple hours and browsed the Internet for a while and had a few drinks and I don't feel so tired. But wow, earlier this afternoon I really felt like death warmed over.

Maybe I'm just tired because of getting up so early. Maybe I just need more coffee. Maybe I am really bloody depressed. I'm not taking bets on which. 

Maybe I'll just get another drink and go to bed.