Reframing

A couple days ago, I posted a long list of sour gripes that I had distilled from a daylong bad mood. One of these was a complaint that Marie wants me to move in with her. I dismissed this by saying that "the relationship comes with too much baggage" and "the extent to which she needs me is just wearing."

But there's another way to frame this. I even hint at it in a later paragraph of that same post, but not clearly enough.

As it is, my remarks make it sound like I'm talking about Marie: because of this-and-that things about her, I don't want to move in with her or make the relationship that much closer than it is now.

But maybe none of this is about her. Maybe this is all about me. 

More and more I feel like I don't have it in me to want that close a relationship any more, with anybody. Relationships like that require deep trust, and I don't have it to give. I suppose once upon a time I had a normal allotment of trust doled out to me; but it feels like I've used it all up.

Of course I could be wrong. I used to think I was long past the chance of feeling giddy romanticism after so many years with Wife, and then I fell in love with D. So maybe the possibility for being foolish is still there. Maybe when I'm 85 I will lose my head over some sweet young Nimuë; since I have no magic arts to teach, she'll doubtless have to get rid of me with something more practical like a restraining order.

Maybe I'm just an idiot. That's at least a parsimonious explanation of the data.