Retirement

A few weeks ago, I started talking to a financial advisor who is somehow connected with the job search consultants that the company provided for us. I figured that I should get some advice what to do with my 401K, since I hadn't looked at it for 15 years or so. In fact, for a while I wasn't getting statements because of some screw-up with my address. I could have gone online, but rarely got around to it.

When I did finally get around to it, a couple of months ago, I realized I needed advice even more than I had known I needed it before. There's a lot of money there. It's funny that even though this is an anonymous blog, I don't feel safe typing the number here -- not even a round approximation. Money really is a huge taboo for us, I guess.

But it's enough money that the advisor's first calculation said I could retire now if I want to. I'm only sixty, or almost. I told him to assume I would live till at least ninety, because it is a nice round number. He said I could retire now, unless I were sabotaged by a combination of an unfavorable inflation rate and an exceptionally poor stock market.

Of course he made a few assumptions. One is that I keep living in my one-bedroom apartment. Another is that I stop paying alimony. The Separation Agreement has a provision that drops in my salary (not "income," please notice!) mean drops in alimony, so if I retire then according to the Agreement Wife's alimony fades away to zero. There were other plausible assumptions too.

And then I could retire. Now. Not find another job, ever.

I asked him to recalculate with a couple of the input numbers adjusted to be a bit more accurate. Then I asked, What if I keep paying the alimony (even though I'm not required to)? (Just because I might like to  -- you know -- not be a jerk.) What if I double my rent by moving somewhere else? (So that I might have a guest room some day, or a study?) Well, of course those assumptions make it harder to retire now. 

Harder. Not actually impossible. But maybe I should work for a few more years. 

I don't know what to think. I don't know how to process this. 

How many times in the last few months have I stopped to ask, What if I didn't have to find another job? I can think, at least, of here and here and here and here.

And maybe I don't. Wow.