Willing and wanting

Willpower is a funny thing. Ten years ago I wrote about how true self-discipline is not "violent self-mastery through an iron will," but rather a form of "informed, intelligent self-manipulation" that "understand[s] yourself well enough to know what you have to do to set up conditions so that you will naturally act in the way you need to act." I still think that's not far wrong.

But of course the catch is in getting started in the first place. Like the old joke goes, you have to really want to change. And if you don't, I'm not sure what clever hacks there are to make it happen. How do you make yourself want to do something that just leaves you thinking "meh"?

So for example, I've put on something like 25 pounds since coming home from Scotland last spring. Maybe I should go exercise? Yeah, sounds like a great idea; I'll do it tomorrow. 

Some of that weight gain is surely connected with my drinking in the evening. Maybe I should cut back? Or … you know … just stop? Hmm. Interesting idea. Let's discuss it over a whiskey-and-water.

There are a lot of things on my to-do list, and every day they get slid to the next day because I spend too much damned time on Twitter or otherwise browsing the Internet. Maybe I should close Twitter, or even delete my account? Well let's not get crazy here. Sure, I'll minimize the screen and go do something productive … right after I refresh the feed one more time and read these last few posts.

Lately Marie has done a bunch of reading on healthy eating, and has been sending me recommendations. Brussels sprouts are good! (Actually I eat these a fair bit.) Eggs and meat are bad! (So the eggs and sausage that I had for breakfast yesterday is out?) And so on. And sure, I've heard a lot of this advice before. From time to time, I've even eaten that way. So I know I can do it, because I once did. Isn't that good enough? Oh, … I see, … you want me to do it again. And keep at it. Hmm. Well we can talk about it, I guess.

And so on.

Making yourself do something that you want to do (but have trouble breaking a contrary habit) is a question of figuring out hacks so that you will naturally fall into doing them. But when you don't even care enough about the improvements to bother thinking through your habits or setting up the hacks? How do you make yourself want something that just doesn't interest you that much?

I suppose fear is one way. My father ate wrong his whole life until his heart attack and quadruple bypass; but that scared him into vegetarianism and a love of salads. I'd like to avoid that kind of extreme wake-up call.

But avoiding an extreme wake-up call means deciding I want to live differently.

Maybe tomorrow.