This evening after dinner, I was sitting at my computer browsing through some old posts and trying to get up the energy to write you about my trip last weekend. In the process, I realized that I used to inject a lot more drama into my posts than I do today, by the simple expedient of quoting Wife's perspective on whatever was going on.
Of course, mostly I don't interact with her any more. I drive to visit her at Son1's apartment a couple of times a year (see, for example, here and here). And even when I find something funny to email her, she very rarely responds.
But back in late May I sent her some information about a Japanese cat, who was made station master of a local train station, and who (after dying) was enshrined as a Shinto goddess. You can find her story here. This email triggered a response (though very little of it had to do with the cat). Writing to me the same day that I got this phone call from Son2, Wife told me all about her thoughts on Son2's upcoming marriage to Beryl, and about her fears related to moving. Here is what she said about the move.
I have to move
I'm sure you know by now that Son1 & I have hit a wall: he just can't live with me anymore & wants to move in with Dorcas. He tells me that I "just rub him the wrong way & always have" but can't or won't give me a reason. As a result, I've been in a state of crisis for the last month. It has been decided, with my input, but of course, my choices were very limited, that I should move to [live near Son2 and Beryl]. You've probably heard by now. I've made a 30-item list (and growing!) of things only I can do before I move. One of them -- closing out my safe deposit box -- involves you. Unless you've already signed off on it, and I just don't remember. It's been years. If you haven't, I'll need you to meet with me at the bank to close it out when I go to [your town] to say goodbye to Leia.
I have to retrieve my stuff
In any event, I want to retrieve my father's christening gown & bonnet & the negatives to my family photos that are in it before I go. Again, I had those photos restored & photographed so that I could share them with anyone in the family who might want them. Naive me. Nobody does. [Long digression to complain about various of her nephews.] ....
Son1 is rewriting the past
Son1 & Son2 are all the family I have left, and Son1 has made it more than obvious that, while he loves me and wishes me well, he would wish me weller if I were somewhere else. Now he says that I was only supposed to live here for 6-12 months, which I just don't understand, because for years he's said that I just obviously can't live alone again, and that "everybody in the family knew that this would be my last address." He's encouraged me to get rid of all my housewares that are in storage; I'm glad I refused. I'm going to need things like cookware!
Son1 and Dorcas
I think his head is just too full of Dorcas &, excuse me, pussy. I guess I shouldn't complain: at least he's into girls & not boys, though the only reason I wouldn't have wanted one of them to be gay is that I think that, as far as we come & despite the LBTGQ+ community, it is still harder in our world to be a gay man than a straight one, & the boys have a better shot at happiness being straight. I don't know if this thing with Dorcas will last. They are awfully cute together, & very cuddly, but Son1 has never been good about expressing his feelings -- sometimes he doesn't even seem to know what they are -- and I think that could present problems in an intimate relationship down the line. I'm not sure what, if anything, his ADHD has to do with that. Sex is great, but it isn't all there is to a relationship, as you know. He needs to be able to share himself, & it isn't his best skill. And yes, Hosea, I think I should know, having lived with him for the past 5 years. I know you tried to talk him out of living with me, but even in retrospect, I don't see that there was a better option. It's fine for him to say I should've "gotten on my feet & moved out" in the first year I was here, but if I could've done that, I would never have moved in.
I need more money!
Son2 has kindly taken over spearheading the move, and he thinks that he can find me a small 1-bedroom for around $1400. Of course, I really don't want to leave this area -- the only time in my life I've lived somewhere else was in graduate school, and it wasn't a great experience. I'm really not sure I still have what it takes to relocate to an entirely different place where he & Beryl are the only people I know. But it doesn't look like I have any choice in the matter, so I guess I'll just try to make the best of it. I have to find out from the SSA what will happen when I turn 65, which isn't very far off. I believe that I lose my disability at that point, the point of which was to replace the income I would've gotten if I were able to work. I've heard through the church's well-worn grapevine that at that point, I can claim half the value of YOUR S.S., but I have to verify that. My own SS, if that's all I can draw, will only be $326/mo to replace the $1700 I get now, and I quite obviously can't live on that. Nobody could. Son2's town is cheaper than Son1's, but still -- not THAT much cheaper!
Winding up
Anyway, I'm not sure whether I'll need your presence at the bank, but if you want to meet for lunch or something to say goodbye, we can. We're really only about an hour away from each other -- definitely within driving distance, even for me.
Thanks for sending me the article on Tama. I very much enjoyed it. Should I ever find myself in Japan (now there's a statement contrary to fact!) I'll try to visit her shrine. Meanwhile, we've determined that Toby [one of the cats they share] will stay with Son1: Toby likes me & trusts me, but adores Son1 & obviously misses him awfully when he's not here. And, with misgivings, he's agreed to let me take Nook [the other cat]. That little Calico Menace wormed her way into my heart awfully quickly, & I just really, really don't want to be without her. I enjoy having her sleep by my side, and every early morning around 3:00 when I get up to pee, I come back to find her on my pillow, after which we spend about half an hour or more with me petting her & her purring. It's very endearing. And she really IS a lap cat, more so than any cat I've had since I was a girl. In fact, she doesn't look a bit like the cat I had back then, but she reminds me very much of her.
My reply was deliberately bloodless. I commented on a couple of topics that I didn't reproduce in the excerpt above, and then I wrote her:
It was only THIS MORNING that I got a call from Son2 where he told me about the plans for you to move to his town, and then only because he wanted to check a couple of details. Mostly, nobody tells me anything. (sigh)
I thought we already closed out the safe-deposit box. Didn't we? Please call the bank to check if it's still there, and also to check if I still sign on it. Of course if you need me to close it out, I am happy to help. Just let me know in advance so I can be sure to be there on the right day.
Quick fact check: The normal age for you to start drawing Social Security is 67, not 65. Also, I think that yes, you can claim part of my SS instead of claiming your own, but double-check the exact rules. I'm pretty sure you have to pick one or the other.
Once upon a time I would have felt like I had to answer some of her other claims ... or else I would have felt that it was only the formality of writing that protected me from having to say anything. Now? There has been enough time gone by that I really no longer care.
I know the answer to her puzzlement about Son1's expectations, though. Based on things he has said to me over the years, I'm pretty sure that—what with all her chronic diseases—he expected her to die before now! And gosh ... no such luck. Of course I'm not going to tell her this.
It's good not to feel tied into all the drama any more—even if it does make my blog boring by comparison.
No comments:
Post a Comment