I'm almost afraid to write this. Murphy's Law or the Evil Eye or something might trip me up. And how do I knock wood on the Internet?
But have you noticed something about all the e-mails and lunches I have reported here, with Debbie? There's a month and a half ... almost two months here. Even with that long silence the first month, I can't help but think it is a statistically-significant sample.
And in all that time, what don't you see? Think back to all my early e-mails with D, way back in October 2008 -- just about a month, actually. Think back to this one, for example. What you are not seeing in my e-mails with Debbie is argument, misunderstanding, hurt feelings, abject apologies ... all the god-damned drama that inaugurated even the rosy, falling-in-love period with D. One step after another, it's been "Oh, you think that too? Oh, you feel that too? Oh, you value that too?"
It won't be that way every single day. It can't be. And in fact right now, she and I are discussing the question, When am I going to stop wearing my wedding ring? It's an issue that makes her feel awkward and vulnerable. And yet, the whole discussion has been low-key. She and I have been able to reassure each other that, no matter how the discussion goes, it's not going to be any kind of deal-breaker. Our feelings are still steady. We can trust each other enough to talk about it without guilt or anxiety or drama ... just to talk through it and see where the conversation leads us.
Such a change. Dear God, but it is pleasant and refreshing. And this is a contrast with D, whom I still loved quite recently -- don't let me even get started contrasting Debbie with Wife, whom I last loved that way some decades ago.
Is it possible ... can it be ... that I have found a low-maintenance woman who loves me, and whom I love? Or is there another shoe waiting to drop?
I'm hoping for low-maintenance. Cross your fingers.
The Century of the Other
1 day ago
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