"Where were you last night?"

The other night Wife asked me something so odd that I have to write it down, even though I don't have any grand narrative to frame it with, or insightful conclusions to draw.

It was morning, and she asked "Where did you go last night?"

"Huh? I went to the gym after dinner. I told you that."

"Yes, I know. But the gym closes at 11:00. I got up about 2:30 in the morning to go to the bathroom, and you were nowhere in the house. I know sometimes you go out for long walks around the neighborhood, but that's awfully late for a walk -- especially when you have work the next day. Were you seeing someone? Do you have a girlfriend in town somewhere?"

I don't remember what I told her, but I was absolutely baffled. Where I was at 2:30 that morning was sound asleep in my own bed -- our bed -- right next to her. Sure, I know that sounds like something a guy might say even if it weren't true, but hell ... I tell you guys all the juicy stuff. If I had another girlfriend somewhere, you'd know about her. Of course you know about D, but she's hundreds of miles away ... not close enough that I could stroll over there and be back before breakfast.

Actually, I take it back -- there is no way a guy would say something like that if he knew it were false, because it would be so crazy. How could any guy expect that his wife would believe he was asleep right next to her, if he wasn't?

But of course that hypothetical-contrary-to-fact only raises the real question: How could Wife possibly not have seen me? Not have heard me? The bed's only a king-sized -- it's not that damned big! Is it just that she was totally bleary and blind because she was half-asleep? Or did she dream the whole thing? Is she starting to have genuine visual delusions? (If yes, God help us ....) Or is it just that for once I wasn't "snoring like a freight train" so she assumed I couldn't possibly be there?

I really don't understand it. I am amused and puzzled in equal measure. I hope it's not something I have to worry about ....