Pleasantly surprised

Background

I got an email today from Wife. The context is that when my company-paid health insurance ended in September, I dithered for a while and then signed up for a COBRA policy. I told the boys I'd cover them until they could sign up for insurance of their own through their jobs; I told Wife I'd cover her through December. After that, I said, either I would cancel her coverage or I would deduct the cost from her alimony check: her choice.

OK, strictly speaking it's not even "alimony" at this point. Our Separation Agreement ties the amount of alimony to my salary: right now I am unemployed and have no salary, so legally I should be paying zero alimony. But I told Wife I didn't want to be an asshole, so I am continuing to make payments as long as I can afford it. I have explained that if some day I can no longer afford it, she should remember that there is nothing legally binding about these payments.

On the other hand, the cost of COBRA coverage for her totals just over 50% of the size of those payments. So if I deduct that from her payments, she won't have a lot left. At the time, I suggested that she look for cheaper insaurance.

What I expected her to write

I expected her to have done nothing since then, to have been paralyzed by the need for action. I expected her to be frightened and panicked, and therefore angry and accusatory. I expected her to have forgotten just how far I have done her favors during this process, and to demand more because she needs it.

I was wrong on all counts.

What she wrote instead

Her email was clear and detailed. She explained that naturally the best case from her perspective was something other than what was available, but she fully recognized that it wasn't available. She had, in fact, found and signed up for an alternate insurance plan, and described in some detail what it will and won't cover. Therefore, she said I should go ahead and cancel the COBRA insurance for her at the end of this month. She also expressed gratitude for everything I have done for her so far, and ended the email by mentioning some happy things that have dropped into her life lately.

She said nothing about her needs. She thanked me and demanded nothing beyond what I had offered. She did ask a couple of clarifying questions about what expenses she could slide under the wire, but they were all posed as pure questions and not disguised challenges.

And I was just a little bit stunned. Has she been able to do this all along, and just chose not to? Or has she been practicing? Has she turned over a new leaf somehow? Is she in the process of another dramatic personality change, kind of like the one I wrote about a few days ago, but in the other direction? That last option sounds far-fetched, but who knows? I suppose anything is possible. Anyway, reading her email was a little bit like preparing for a step and then finding that it's not there. Almost disorienting.

But I was pleasantly surprised.

Does this mean that my long-standing fear of her is going to be out of date some time soon? That might be a lot to ask, but I suppose anything is possible. I guess we'll see.