Where not to retire

Just now I googled "best places to retire" and I got 87,900,000 results. Clearly this is a phrase that people have written about a lot.

Look at the listings, and you find travel suggestions that circle the globe. "Best cities to retire," "best states to retire," "best countries to retire." Then these choices are broken down by what exactly you are looking for: golf, beaches, health care, low cost of living, or avoiding taxes.

Mother has talked about retiring, and has asked me where I think she should move. She has clients who have moved to this place or that, ... so what would I think if she moved to this place? Or else maybe that place? She could sell the house easily enough—never mind that there are boxes in the garage that haven't been opened since she and my dad bought the place 50 years ago—and be on her way, free as a bird. 

I get it. I never thought I would live all my adult life in one place, but I more or less have. So when I lost my job last year, you heard me fantasize about traveling far away—maybe finding a job in Timbuktu, or joining the Peace Corps.

But we're all idiots. Every single one of us who fantasizes about retiring far, far away.

 Here's why.

• The people in the new place don't want you. They may want your dollars, but they've never seen you before in their lives, and they're not invested in you. They don't really care if you live or die.
• And by the time you reach retirement age, you are feebler than you were in your prime. You have a harder time finding things, or negotiating your way through troubles. More than ever before (since childhood), you need help to get through the day. This means you need things to be familiar, and you need people you can turn to—friends or family or somebody who can help you through all the troubles of the day. Somebody who cares whether you live or die.

That's it. That's the whole argument, in a nutshell.

Of course everybody's situation is different. So you can look at my argument and think through how far it applies to you, and to the place you fantasize about moving. Maybe for this and that reason it doesn't really apply—or it won't for another 15 years yet, and in 15 years you expect to make some friends. Maybe you really don't have enough money to retire on; but you've found a country where your pittance will let you live like a king, and that fact by itself overshadows all the other issues. And in that case, Godspeed!

But in heaven's name think about it. Remember that you are going to be weaker and tireder and more often sick than before, not to mention more easily confused. Remember that you are going to want life to be easier; and moving—even just moving cross-country, to say nothing of moving abroad—is never easy.

And therefore if you do decide to move in your retirement, do it with your eyes wide open.