Am I inconsistent?

Last night Wife was on the phone with Boyfriend 4, and I guess when she hung up I must have sounded a little grumpy. She asked, "What's the problem? First you tell me I can sleep with whomever I want, and then you are jealous over just a phone call? With somebody that you know is only a Platonic friend at this point? You're being totally inconsistent!"

Am I inconsistent? Could be. If inconsistency is good enough for Emerson and Whitman, I guess it's good enough for me. But I think there are at least three answers to this question that Wife could have figured out on her own without asking me.

First, I never exactly said "Sleep with anybody you want." Or if I did use those words, it was only out of fatigue and surrender. What I said was that there is no way for me to stop her, and that I figured this out a long time ago. It's a free country and Wife is a grown-up. We don't live in one of those benighted places where I could keep her locked in a harem all day. So in that sense, yes she is free to do exactly as she pleases. I never promised to like it.

Second, I do not "know" that Boyfriend 4 is "only a Platonic friend" at this point. How would I know that? Because Wife says so? Oh please. Sorry babe, but this is one topic where you exhausted all your credibility years ago. Maybe it's true and maybe it ain't, but your say-so won't settle it. I might as well ask a Magic 8-Ball.

Third, there are other kinds of infidelity besides sex. Wife has already told me plainly that she finds it easier to be around Boyfriend 4 than to be around me, because they have more in common and she finds his company more relaxing. (I should add that Boyfriend 4 is an unemployed alcoholic, so I'm not sure I like the sound of the "more in common" part.) I have deduced from other things she's said that some time a couple years ago, in the first fine flush of their romance, she offered to run away with him for good. I don't think there is much chance of that today; but in light of all that, can she honestly be surprised if a phone call from him grates on me a little bit?

That having been said, I will concede that Boyfriend 4 is pleasant enough when he's not in his cups, and at least he and I have found things to talk about besides Wife. So if she has to have a boyfriend on the side, I guess I prefer Boyfriend 4 to some of the others she's chosen over the years. And as much as I'd like to draw myself up in a self-righteous rage, I can't really be mad at him for their affair. Yes, it takes two to tango; but I've heard the story of how this dance started, and he wasn't the one to cue the orchestra.

I don't know, maybe I am inconsistent.