Proud, I guess?

Last weekend—well, Monday actually—Wife moved out of Son 1's apartment to go live by herself near Son 2.

I told you this was coming in this post and this one, both from a few months ago.

Anyway, it finally happened. Nobody told me anything about it. I learned a little bit by texting the boys and asking things based on my assumptions ... whereupon I learned that my assumptions were all wrong and they were several steps ahead of me.

In this whole operation—well, up until this morning—the only thing they have asked me to contribute is money: not work, not thoughts or planning or suggestions, not decision-making, not physical presence (even if only to manage Wife) ... nothing else. And the cash was specifically intended for her first-and-last-month's-rent deposit in the new place. For what it is worth the sum they asked for was too small to cover that. I guessed that they would probably need more, so I buffered the amount I gave them ... and it turned out to match what they needed very closely.

Other than that, they handled it all. They organized a plan whereby: 

• Son1 moves in with Dorcas. (Remember that Dorcas owns a condominium free and clear.)
• Son1 sends to Son2 the money he would otherwise have spent on rent. 
• Son2 uses that money to pay Wife's rent ... and the apartment is rented in his name, not hers.
• Son2 stops in to check on Wife from time to time, to make sure she has food in the house and isn't drunk off her ass or doing crazy shit.

They also worked out a complete plan for the move.

• Wife had filled two storage iunits, plus she had her stuff all over Son1's apartment.
• Son1 rented a 15-foot U-Haul trailer for the weekend.
• Son2 flew to be there for the weekend.
• The two of them spent the weekend loading the U-Haul with as much stuff as they could make fit.
• Sunday night they put Wife on a plane to Son2's town. I assume Beryl met her at the other end and gave Wife a place to stay, because otherwise Wife would have been completely helpless.
• Monday morning, they drove the truck to Son2's town. It took all day.
• Tuesday they unloaded the truck. I guess they returned it. Son1 flew home.

Today I got a note from Son1 (copying Son2, so everything was above board), asking if I can pay for Wife's rent for one month, because she had so much junk left over that he will have to keep his apartment rented another month just to clean it out. And he can't pay two rents at once. I said, yes, I think I can.

What do I think about all this?

• On the one hand, stereotypically, I think I'm supposed to feel bad at being treated as a source of cash and nothing else. What am I, chopped liver?
• On the other hand, I can see that my body has deteriorated over the years. I have nowhere near the energy and strength that Son1 and Son2 have. This is just a simple fact.
• On the third hand, and related, I'm relieved not to have to deal with the consequences of Wife's crazy accumulation and hoarding yet again. Been there, done that. 
• On the fourth hand, it feels truly, truly weird that there was a major event involving Son1, Son2, Wife, and lots of work ... and I was left out of it.

I asked if it would be helpful if I came down to order pizza or something, while they were working. One of the boys (I think it was Son 1) said it would be better if I stayed out of sight. So I dropped it.

Then the next thing I knew, Son1 was texting that he had gotten home safe and sound a couple of days later.

So how do I feel, in the long run?

I'm glad that they can plan something this complicated together, and that they can see a common perspective well enough to agree what to do. Son1 is 29, but turns 30 later this year; Son2 is 28. I think back to when I was 30—or 28!—and I'm not convinced I could have been this mature about planning the relocation of a parent. Nor am I sure that Brother and I could have seen things similarly enough that we could have worked together so well. Actually I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have.

So I guess I'm proud of the boys: for their initiative, their diligence, their common understanding, their ability to work out and agree on the details (better than many professionals I've worked with), and their commitment to see it through.

I still feel really weird at not having been involved at all, but perhaps I just need to thank my lucky stars. Besides, it's in the past; so after a while I'll forget. Right?

Meanwhile, please pass the brandy.