Seventh date

Another business trip. D was with me all week. We walked and talked. We ate in nice restaurants and dives. We went to a play. And, as always, the sex was marvelous.

Two things were different about this date.

First, I introduced D to a colleague I work with. Strictly speaking, he is a consultant that I usually see only a couple of times a year but we enjoy each other and talk about a lot of things besides work. He made a point of telling me when he decided to divorce his wife of 35 years, and when he met his current girlfriend. He has also told me about his slow journey back to church after an absence that has lasted all his adult life. (The last time I wrote about him was here.) We usually go out to dinner at least once when we work together, and this time I brought D.

Well, D and the Consultant hit it off famously. He was glad to find someone who could really understand his religious journey, and who at the same time didn’t condemn his affair and subsequent divorce. She found him delightful company, and was pleased that he likes me so well. I don’t think the Consultant quite picked up on the fact that D and I are lovers, or perhaps he was giving us the benefit of the doubt to avoid the risk of guessing wrong. But it was crystal clear to him that we care for each other deeply. Since he also knows something about my troubles with Wife over the years, his only remark to me the next day was, “I really hope this works out exactly the way you want it to work out. Whatever that way is, you have been through a lot and I’d like to see you reach the light at the end of the tunnel.”

Second, towards the end of the week D started pressing me for when our next date would be. That in itself is nothing unusual, but the fact is that I couldn’t give her a date. Business travel is being cut back for me because of the lousy economy; at this point, I don’t have a single trip planned for the rest of the year. What is more, the drama at home seems to be accelerating; so I’m not really sure I am going to have the time or attention to spare for a date any time in the next few months even if the money just drops into my lap.

This answer made D very solemn ... then weepy ... and then angry. For several hours during our last evening together, it sounded for all the world like she was trying to break up with me. I don’t blame this all on D – when she started to get sad and upset, I began to talk frantically to patch things up. I have no solid recollection of what I said, but I’m sure I said things that made it worse. If you’d been sitting in the next booth at that restaurant, you probably could have leaned over and warned me, “Hosea, I wouldn’t say that if I were you because it is guaranteed to make her even more upset.” (But no-one did.)

On the other hand, somehow the things that I said sent her into a place I absolutely couldn’t follow. Back at the hotel she lamented that she couldn’t believe what a fool she had been all these months, that our whole affair had been a ghastly mistake, that I could never have loved her at all if I could say the things I had just said. (I sure wish I could remember what those things were – they must have been a doozy!) And then she calmed down, thought a minute, and said something that baffled me even more.

“No, I’ve thought about it and you are wrong. I know what I bring to the relationship, I know the constancy and love that I offer, and you are simply wrong when you deny it. You can push it off the table and say you don’t want it, you can walk away from it, but you cannot deny it.”

OK, now I am confused. I know I must have been saying weird shit kind of at random out of panic at her growing levels of upset, but I’m damned if I can remember ever saying anything that could possibly be construed as denying her love and passion. (Let’s leave constancy out of the equation for just a minute, shall we? This may not be exactly the right time to bring it up.). Nor can I remember saying I didn’t want it. I thought she was the one accusing me of not loving her, because I couldn’t set a date for our next meeting. When did I ever deny her love?

By this time we were sitting on the bed, undressed for the night but clearly sitting apart. I tried to express my confusion, and for a while D just kept telling me that I was wrong if I tried to deny her love, that love was something strong and permanent, that ... oh, I forget all the details. Finally I said “But I agree with all that." D paused. Then she smiled, relaxed, and lay down on the bed. I wasn't quite sure whether the argument was over, but then she said, "You know, if we have only one more night together, then touching might be a good idea." So I stroked her shoulder for a minute ... and then we kissed ....

Did I mention that the sex this week was marvelous?

When I got home, late the evening of the next day, I got a brief rundown of the week. Wife and the boys were asleep, but I had asked Boyfriend 4 if he could stop in and help out. Boyfriend 4 lives out of town these days, but his cancer prevents him from holding a job so his time is kind of flexible. Also, I should clarify that I wasn't really worried about Wife's ability to do basic chores ... just about the likelihood of her doing something erratic and dangerous. But apparently she didn't. Boyfriend 4 hadn't gotten there till midweek, but he had called every day before then. (Also, you will recall that my parents visited once.) He made dinner, but without doing a lot of shopping. (This was a big relief to me ... while I would have wanted him there anyway as a stabilizing influence, I can't forget that the last time he stayed with Wife while I was gone, the two of them managed to blow $600 in a single visit to the grocery store. I still can't figure out how they did that.) Wife complained a lot to him about me, but apparently did nothing more serious. So it could have been worse, and this report encouraged me a fair bit.

So, onwards and upwards, no?
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