Meanness

I have come to realize that for some time now I've been gratuitously mean to Wife.  I'm ashamed of myself.  So this week I have been trying to be less mean ... maybe even a little bit kind.  Son2 is away for the week on a big school outing, so Wife and I have gone to the movies three nights this week.  It gave us a chance to see movies that the rest of the country saw months ago ... before the Oscar ceremonies for which they were nominated, instead of after.  But hey ... at least we finally got to see them.  And going to the movies together is something pleasant that Wife and I used to do long ago.

Somewhere midweek I also realized that trying to be nice to Wife meant I also felt less enthusiastic about seeing D again.  Not that Wife and I will ever be romantic again, to say nothing of sexual.  But it was a subtle shift, and I did notice it.

Of course it was a bad week to choose.  At the beginning of this week, one of D's students (high-school) dropped dead while relaxing with friends, for no discernable reason.  She called my cell phone at 1:00 in the morning beside herself with tears.  I tried to call back, but not very successfully.  There is only a small window of the day during which I can get through (because her class schedule is so nuts), and I didn't want to call her late at night because she works so hard anyway that she needs whatever little sleep she can get.  After a day or two, she told me specifically not to try to call her because she would be unreachable.  Needless to add, the school went through Hell all week.  Her students were distraught, weeping, questioning the meaning of life and death in the most anguished possible way.  It was awful. 

And of course I should have called.  I should have woken her up in the middle of the night.  When she told me not to call, I should have ignored the prohibition flagrantly.  She needed me, and not hearing from me just made an appallingly bad situation even worse.

Seems like I can't get away from being gratuitously mean nearly as easily as I thought.  Lucky for you that none of you has to live with me or be involved with me, huh?