Hosea: (smiles) I think that diagnosis shows a very limited emotional vocabulary ... I mean, if those are the only two choices.
Son 2: Well you're quiet and withdrawn. If it's not tiredness or anger, what is it?
Hosea: (thinks to self: It's that your mother talks compulsively and has the single bitchiest voice known to mankind, a voice I have become more or less allergic to. But I also know it is my job to avoid speaking ill of her to you.) (says out loud) Gosh, do I have to be all analytic right now and figure that out? I'd rather not, just at the moment ....
So we talked about something else for a couple minutes; then Son 2 went inside to collect the trash to take out, and I started making dinner.
Everyone liked dinner, which was a bit of a surprise. Actually, Wife and Son 2 have been complimenting all my meals this week. Either I'm having a lucky streak, or else ... well I guess the only other alternative is the paranoid one that they are trying to put me off my guard while setting me up to be abducted by terrorists. But I doubt it's that; who would pay my ransom?
During dinner, Wife nattered on incessantly about all the shopping she did today, while I stared at a spot on the wall and held perfectly still. Or so I thought.
Son 2: Mom, maybe you should stop now. Dad is saying "Stop, stop" to himself.
Hosea: What? Am I talking to myself? I wasn't aware of it.
Son 2: Yes, you were mouthing "Stop, stop, stop."
Hosea: Gosh, I had no idea.
Wife: And I wasn't looking towards you, so I couldn't see.
Well, Wife didn't exactly stop, but she slowed down and the meal went on.
Dinner ended; Wife went to bed, I cleaned up, and Son 2 settled into the computer to read online comics and listen to music. After a while I came back to chat for a bit and he started talking about the music he was listening to. He asked me what I used to listen to back when I was a kid, and the answer really was "Not much." Or rather, I listened to what people around me listened to. So my parents played a lot of Beatles when I was young; later on my brother played the Beatles, the Who, ... and lots of bands I had never heard of and whose names I don't remember. But he kept asking, "Did you listen to this? ... to that?" And he was logged into some website (don't remember the URL, sorry) from which he could download seemingly any song in existence. So I decided to toss out a name that he hadn't mentioned and had probably never heard of: "How about Joan Baez?" And of course he asked, "Who?" Now admittedly we didn't own a whole lot of her stuff when I was growing up, but my parents bought it quite early; the story is that when I was a baby, if I got really upset over something, they would set me down next to the speakers and put on an album of Joan Baez or Judy Collins ... and I'd calm down. So anyway, I decided to see what I could find and typed in "baez jesse". And sure enough, they had "Jesse" off of "Diamonds and Rust".
Well, he didn't like it, and shut it off in the middle. No big deal, but for some reason I was already feeling fragile and skittish, and so I just fell quiet. Unfortunately this happens to be a behavior that Son 2 just hates, and so he blew up at me.
Son 2: Oh my God, here we go again! Now you're going to get all quiet and withdrawn! You know ... forget it. Just forget it. I'm going to bed. Honestly, you can be a complete downer on anything! And if any little thing doesn't go your way, you just sulk about it and make everybody else miserable!
Hosea: I don't think that's quite fair ....
Son 2: It's completely fair. Good night!
Lights off, discussion over. Gosh, that sure motivated me to stop sulking ....
But as I stewed over it for a few minutes, I realized that this is exactly what D does to me when I cross some line I didn't know was there, and it makes me crazy. So Son 2 is right to be upset with me over it, and yes I'm probably being self-centered and childish by just going sullen when I don't like something. On the other hand, his flaring up like that doesn't help anything because it makes me feel even more helpless, like there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it.
So I opened his door and tiptoed into his room. I deliberately left the lights off, so it was almost pitch black. But I am nearly certain he wasn't asleep yet ... I think he wouldn't have been that quiet if he had been. And I told him, ...
Hosea: I'm sorry for getting all quiet and withdrawn. I know that makes you crazy, and actually now that I think about other people I know who do the same thing it makes me crazy too. So I will try really, really hard to stop doing it. But in turn I need something from you. It makes me just as crazy when you suddenly shift gears like that and write me off for the rest of the evening. So can you please be a little more tolerant? It would even be nice if you could give me a bit of a heads-up that I am starting to do this thing, so I can back up; but in any event please don't just suddenly shift to where you are totally fed up with me and there is nothing I can do about it.
He didn't say anything, and I tiptoed out closing the door behind me. I hope he was awake and heard me. And I pray I can get better at this.
__________
By the way, if you don't know the song "Jesse" here it is:
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