Last Saturday, Suzie was at our volunteer work again, and she came home with me afterwards. Then – after a long and intense conversation in which she told me about some bizarre medical symptoms she has had for the last year, and how terrified she is of them* – I rubbed her back and feet and neck and scalp again. But at this point I no longer think of it as courting behavior.
I think, rather, that I have been assigned to the category of Guy-With-Whom-It-Is-OK-To-Be-Physical-Because-It’s-Never-Ever-Going-To-Go-Anywhere. Back when she was young, Wife had several male friends in that role; and I’m pretty sure that’s who I am for Suzie. That’s fine with me. I’ve never soberly** considered any other role, for all the reasons that I’ve spelled out before – reasons for both of us.
But that’s not to deny that in some ways the friendship has gotten pretty close. In some ways. We still meet up only at our volunteer work; and while I briefly pointed out that that will stop when her schedule changes, we haven’t thought of any alternative times to touch base. And for all that Suzie has a lot to say in person, her texts and e-mails are laconic.
On the other hand, she did tell me that she hasn’t told anybody else (including her family) about all these bizarre medical symptoms she has been experiencing, to say nothing of how frightened she is. I told her that if she really wants a close relationship with Carrie, she has to tell Carrie about it all too; and she reluctantly agreed. But she said her plan was to face all of this alone even though she admitted that – alone – she didn’t even have the courage to make the screening appointment she needed to get referred to a specialist. I told her this is what friends are for and said if Carrie can’t go with her, let me know the schedule and I’ll see what I can do. (I did not promise more than that.)
Maybe more interesting, from the perspective of “closeness”, is how other people seem to see us. We met another regular employee at our volunteer work Saturday; after Suzie and I had each talked to her for a while she asked, “Do you two live together?” Uhh, no. Actually. And a couple weeks before that, one of the residents asked me, “Is she your daughter?” Well, she got the age difference right, but I answered with a volley of Nos all the same. And gosh, there’s not a lot of physical resemblance.
Where did these questions come from? I assume it must be something intangible about the way we interact. Like people who are comfortable around each other. Like housemates. Or family.
So it may not be courting behavior, exactly, but somehow between us we have built up a way of being around each other that allows for a lot of closeness. Probably never sex, but that’s OK.
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* I think I have mentioned that Suzie reminds me in many ways of Wife when she was young – now the litany of bizarre and scary medical conditions is just one more piece of that puzzle.
** i.e., when I have been sober
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