Just home from the grocery store. I’ve been having troubles with my phone today because it will no longer download work emails. This means I’ve been over to IT a lot, which in turn means I’ve been shoveling your recent messages out of my Inbox and into a folder as fast as I can read them ... just in case his finger slips and he opens the home email folder instead of the work one. I know that if you work in IT you have to be immune to shock because you see everything. But maybe not while I’m standing there.
Thank you for this letter, though. You had alluded to the event before, but never really talked through the details and motivations, and it was really interesting. My only direct comment is that I absolutely 100% agree with your conclusion in the last paragraph. My own experience supports it, though in different ways.
So I’ve been in three different threesomes, each one with Wife and one of her amours. (This doesn’t mean three solitary events, but three casts of characters. In each configuration there might have been a small handful of events.) The third parties were, respectively, Boyfriend 1 (1986+), Girlfriend 1 (1990-1992 or maybe later), and Boyfriend 4 (maybe 2005?). Anyway, the details of particular encounters varied one to another, but a key part of the dynamic in all three cases is that Wife kept striving to decompose each threesome into two twosomes. Partly I think this is because it really, really bothered her to be watched, even by someone she was fucking. So if one of us was fucking her and the other was hanging out — kissing, caressing, or just waiting — she felt on display. And she kept coming up with excuses why “just tonight” she could be alone with the other person. (I forget if she ever offered to be alone with me, but of course I’d be there after the other person was gone.)
The problem is that what I found when I examined my own feelings was that if she was fucking someone else and I was locked out, it made me absolutely crazy with jealousy. You don’t want to see me like that, because it’s not a good time for anybody. But if she was fucking someone else and I could be part of the experience, my jealousy receded. When the Other was a guy, I was prepared to make the experience a mutual project for both of us to gratify Wife as much as possible. When the Other was Girlfriend 1 ... well, she was young and very pretty so I had a variety of totally unoriginal hopes; but Wife was fanatically possessive of Girlfriend 1, so those hopes were pretty much all frustrated. (“Look but don’t touch.”) (deep self-pitying sigh)
And these experiences lead me to conclude, with you, that a threesome can work only if all three of you want it. If someone is actively trying to subvert it, the dynamic is all wrong.
So we agree, even though the particular details were a little different.
Loving you ever, in all ways (or from all ends),
Your Hosea
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