I want out

[To be clear, I am writing and posting this in late June, 2020. I was looking through some old notes of mine, found this -- with its date -- and wondered why I'd never posted it here. So here goes.]    

I'm putting on weight again. Drinking too much and eating too much. Often tired. More and more, I want out. Why?

The food and drink is at least partly because by the end of the day I just think, Fuck it. I'm tired, and the food and alcohol are energizing for a little while. I could just go to bed early, but somehow I don't.

And I want out. What does that mean?

Out of my job -- because I am tired of looking for what's wrong and then arguing with people over nickel and dime shit.

Out of big companies -- because I'm tired of the recurrent stupidities, the regulations that have to be met even when they make no damned sense, and the short-term targets that drive objectively bad behavior.

Out of my fantasies -- because of course I always fantasize about doing something else but never actually do it. (Compare, for example, this post here.)

Out of the Internet -- because I binge on reading Twitter until I'm sick of reading about other people's problems, but I'd rather do that than do anything productive in my own life.

Out of the country -- because I really have no idea what is going on in the world, but all I hear are two sides bitterly arguing over whether basic things are really facts or not. Not arguing over what to do about the facts, but over the actual facts themselves! And that's embarrassing, and depressing. And maybe things are getting worse, ... or better, ... or could get worse or better if only this or that Important Change were made. But maybe not. Shit happens, and sometimes countries just fail. And sometimes Great Powers can be ruined by stupid, short-term, short-sighted little shit. Sometimes the Important Changes happen ... and nothing changes. The Bad Guys leave and the Good Guys take over and do the exact same stupid, short-sighted things. (Sorry, I usually try to avoid thinking about politics, much less talking about it here. Oh hell, whatever.)

Out. Just fucking out.