Milestone Sangha?

We just wrapped up our weekly Sangha Zoom meeting less than an hour ago. (This is the UU Sangha that I attended for years before COVID-19, and which later started reconvening over Zoom.) Marie has joined us for the last couple of sessions. I forget whether I mentioned it, but way back when she and I were first getting back together I talked to her about meditation, and at the time she found a Buddhist sangha in her area that she attended for a while. But then after a while she stopped going—maybe it was because of COVID-19, or maybe it was something else. And she told me she missed it. On the other hand, until very recently she has had a commitment on Tuesday nights, so she hasn't joined our UU Sangha Zoom meetings before now.

There were a couple of times back when the Sangha used to meet in person that Marie happened to be in town visiting me on a night that Sangha met, and so she came along with me. But that was quite a few years ago. Most of the Sangha membership has rolled over since then. (Wow, does that make me one of the old-timers already? Scary thought.)

Anyway, tonight was a milestone in my mind, though I don't know if anyone else thought of it that way or even noticed. Tonight Marie was in the Zoom call, and so was Debbie. So far as I can remember, this is the first time they have ever seen each other or communicated at all in any way except indirectly through me.

And so I wonder: Were they watching each other? Were they sizing each other up? What were they thinking?

To be clear, Debbie very explicitly told me that Marie was invited after I explained to her that I had interested Marie somewhat in meditation. When it looked like Marie's Tuesday commitment might wrap up, I double-checked whether the invitation (by then several months old) was still open; and Debbie clearly and firmly said Yes it was. So in some respects it must have been only a matter of time.

Of the two of them, Marie has encouraged me to tell her about Debbie; and while I haven't explained all of the gritty details of the emotional terrain, I've told her enough over time that Marie has admitted to feeling some degree of envy for Debbie. She also understands that in some way or other, the things that I feel for Debbie can still be called "love" and aren't going away, even though Debbie and I are scrupulous about not fucking, not deep-kissing, not getting naked together … all that physical stuff.

For her part, Debbie has expressed a lot less curiosity about Marie, and I have gotten the strong impression that this apparent uninterest is precautionary. In other words, it feels like Debbie is afraid she will feel jealous of Marie (because Marie and I fuck), at the same time that she tells herself she has no right to jealousy because she's the one who left me; so she would rather not think much about Marie if she can avoid it, and this means (among other things) not asking any questions. (Debbie has never said any of this in words. It's all what I pick up from her tone of voice and other equally evanescent clues. So this whole explanation might be total bullshit.) She knows what Marie does for a living. And I think I've mentioned a couple of other details in passing, though I can't remember what. 

I have mentioned the irony that both women love gardening, while I'm bored by it. (Come to think of it, my mother loves gardening too. Wait … is that the three most important women in my life? Is there a message for me here?)

Anyway, I don't know how Debbie or Marie registered tonight's Sangha meeting. I guess I can ask. But I thought it was quite a milestone.