Yesterday I wrote about my fear of having to make a lot of decisions, as one obstacle that stands in the way of my getting published. But there's another.
I am really afraid of putting myself out there.
(Stock photo about social anxiety) |
It embarrasses me to act like this. I didn't even tell Jack or Jill that I was leaving, and I'm ashamed that I didn't. But it felt better than staying. Now that I'm back in my apartment writing this to you, I feel way more comfortable and at ease than I did at the party.
Of course there are plenty of people who succeed in publishing books even while they are poor at social interactions. In some ways that's a trope about writers.
But I feel the same kind of fear about the job of getting myself published that I used to feel about the prospect of trying to make my career advance. I used to be combative and ambitious in my career, but sometime in the last decade all that ambition collapsed into rubble. I talk about it here and here, for example.
I don't know if I have anything more to say about it. But it's clearly a factor. And it's one I have to face squarely before I will have any prayer of getting myself published.
Meanwhile I hope Jack and Jill's party is going well, and that everyone is having a good time. I wish I could make myself join them.
Happy New Year, everyone.
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