The frustrations of divination

I told you all about the possible job that I've been discussing with a recruiter from my former employer (affectionately nicknamed BehemothCo for the purposes of this blog). At this point, I have spoken to the recruiter, to the hiring manager, and (just this afternoon) to the two most senior employees in the department.

I have also—this should be no surprise—been consulting divination. The problem is that the message I get from divination is consistently different from the message that I get from my regular human interactions. But of course divination doesn't speak English, and there's always the possibility that it's not true. But I remember enough times in the past that it has described reality that I am reluctant to dismiss it. This means that I am stuck.

What does divination tell me?

To be clear, the message from divination is also consistent: it tells me that there are hidden problems with this job and I had better find them before they bite me. (If it were inconsistent, that would be easier because I could ignore it.)

My Tarot readings on the subject (up till now) have been as follows:

• The day that I got the first communication from the recruiter, I asked for a general reading for the day: Lovers, Strength reversed, and Death. Major change.
• Is this job a good one for me? Answers: Y, N, and N. (Mixed.)
• The day that I first spoke with the recruiter: 9 Pentacles reversed, 4 Wands reversed, 6 Wands reversed. "Possible loss. Danger from thieves. Beware of legal entanglements. Move with caution."
• What do I need to know about this job? Queen of Pentacles, 5 Cups reversed, King of Swords. (All that looks basically positive.)
• Are there any hidden dangers related to this job that I need to know about? Answers: Y, Y, and N. (Mixed.)
• Two days after my interview with the hiring manager (and the same day that the recruiter set up an interview with two other members of the department), my daily reading ran: Temperance reversed, Hermit, Hanged Man. Looks like things are running on autopilot, with or without me.
• If I move to the new city where this job is, will I make friends? Answers: N, N, and N.
• Wow, really? OK, if I take the job, do I run the risk that they'll turn around and fire me? Answers: N, N, and N.
• Today, half an hour before my interview with the two members of the department, I asked what I need to understand about the interview: 9 Swords reversed, Knight of Cups reversed, 3 Pentacles. "Beware of trickery or fraud. He is often untruthful."

On top of all this, I asked Kimberly Steele (see also this post and this one) to read her Ogham whether this job would be a good one. She replied:

My Ogham think you need to do as much detective work on this potential job as possible. They give Oír or Epiphany ill-dignified, which is not a good sign. Oír is a realization of what cannot be changed. In a bad dignity, this could very well indicate this is not the right job for you. It could be the location that is the problem, the job itself, or the other people who work there.

For whether or not you will get the job, the Ogham seem to think you will if you want it. They give Ioho or Grace well-dignified, which pretty much says they think it is in the bag.

As for the problems with the new position, they give Koad or Confluence ill-dignified. They think there will be unforeseen problems with taking the job. The main issue will be the choice to move, as it will be difficult to alter once it is set in place. The Ogham recommend a great deal of discursive meditation both on the cards offered here and on aspects of the new job such as location and your statement about wanting structure in your days. 

[I had said something to Kimberly about thinking I would benefit from having some structure enforced on my days. That remark related to the kinds of thoughts that I expressed, for example, in this post here.]

Well, hell.

I guess that's all good to know.

My only question now is, What do I need to ask so that I can find the hidden landmines? Because up till now I haven't found them.

What do I learn from talking to the people involved?

What I learn from my interviews is that this job will require a lot of work, and will require me to learn new things that I don't already know. (If I were still in the middle of my career, these would be useful things for me to know in any future job. But I'm already in my sixties, so it's less critical that I learn them—because how many future jobs can I count on? Still, it's always interesting and fun to learn new things.)

Further, this job will play to some of my strengths … or at the very least it will lean on my familiarity with BehemothCo. I think that my existing knowledge and expertise could help these people, and that's flattering.

Sometimes I think that I want a job—any job—because I think the structure and discipline would be "good for me." And I remember that in the past I have made any number of bad decisions because I thought they were "good for me." Does that make this job ipso facto a bad decision? Well, not necessarily …. 

And I remember that many times in the past few years I have felt frustration with my career, and a desire to be out of it. (See for example this post or this one, though I bet you can find plenty more with minimal effort.)

And yet, … and yet, and yet, … as I re-learned one more time this afternoon when I interviewed with two employees from the department that I would be joining … any time I get to sit down and talk shop with other experts in the same specialty, I find it exciting. Energizing. Fun. I tell funny stories, and they get it … instead of smiling politely the way my family and friends do, who know that the stories must be meaningful but who have no direct experience.

I forget how much I miss that, until for an hour I get it again.

What the hell is the iceberg, or the landmine, that divination insists on warning me about? And how do I reconcile that with the genuine relief I feel when I find myself talking again to people with whom I share a common work?

I just don't know. It's frustrating.