Don't try this at home, 2

The last one of these I posted was pretty bizarre -- I mean, that people would let themselves get caught doing such stupid things -- but there's an argument that people are just stupid.  Sorry, but there it is.

Anyway, here are a couple more things you probably want to avoid: masturbating in a Starbucks (while high), or fucking on the table at an expensive restaurant (and then not paying the bill).

Did I mention people are stupid?

And three cheers to the New York Daily News for its fearless investigative reporting of both important stories.  Say, I just noticed both of these took place in Florida.  Any theories about this? 

Why nice guys lose in relationships

Found this article while browsing the Internet at work, killing time and pretending to get something done.  The title I give it is a little harsher than what he really says; but then the author's title has the same problem: "Why Nice Guys and Gals Finish Last in Love".  Either way, it's another one of these articles I post from time to time that I wish I had known before.  Not that I'm quite sure how to put the advice into practice, but at least I would have been forewarned.

The basic idea is that if you are always doing inconvenient things for your partner and you don't ask her to do inconvenient things for you, then you become more invested in the relationship than she is.  If you are always available to her but she gets away with being unavailable to you, then you both perceive that she is a "scarcer resource" than you are ... and thereby a lot more valuable.  And so on.

He also says, never expect that one day she will suddenly realize all those nice things you have been doing for her, and change her personality instantly in gratitude.

Anyway, here's the link:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201211/why-nice-guys-and-gals-finish-last-in-love

The great thing about HR

OK, this is purely silly and has nothing to do with any of the stuff I normally discuss here, but what the hell?

One of my friends at work is our HR Manager.  You'd think that befriending the HR Manager would be politically astute, but in this case I'm not so sure because I can't tell if anybody in senior management ever listens to her.  Still, we have fun swapping stories about the craziness we have to put up with.

But lately I think she's winning.  The other day she got a call from the head office of our parent company telling her that she has to go help with layoffs at some plant neither of us had ever heard of ... in a city that's three or four hours away by car. 

Oh, and it's not just one or two layoffs, but they have closed the entire plant so the employee exit interviews will have to be held in a Burger King nearby. 

Oh, and it's tomorrow.

Why exactly does she have to drop everything and go do this?  "Well, you're so nearby and we really need someone there who is an expert in the labor law of your state, because the other person doing this will be flying out from headquarters."

As she told me this, it was obvious that she was torn between shock and disbelief.  I just asked her if she has ever seen "Up in the Air."  (She hasn't.)

Then I decided to make her a little graphic to take with her or otherwise cheer her up ....

Out on the patio

I set up a second blog today, Hosea's Patio.  The idea is to use it as a place for some of my more philosophical-like pieces, the ones that really don't have anything to do with the main themes here.  Let's see how often I get around to updating it.

Unlike this blog, that one is public.  No harm I assume ....

Wrestling with failure 3, TLP and Narcissus

The next time I write something as horrible and self-indulgent as this, I hope to be reminded (or physically forced) to return once again to read this as a counterpoint.

His quality is variable, but there are times I really appreciate The Last Psychiatrist.

"Don't want to deal with the shit storm"

One of the peculiar things about Durmstrang is that they don't excuse students for Thanksgiving.  Rather, their idea is that students should invite their families to come up and feast on campus.  Thanksgiving is in less than a month at this point, so we have started making plans.  In particular my father has been e-mailing everyone in the family, asking which of a dozen minor variations (on the same basic idea) we all endorse.  I responded with a few pointers and then got this e-mail from Son 1 (only to me, no cc's):

Son 1:  I'd really rather not go to Durmstrang for Thanksgiving, or anywhere for that matter.

Hosea:  "Or anywhere" means what?  Stay at Hogwarts?  I think they lock the dorms.  Stay in [your grandparents' town] or [our town]?  But Grandma and Grandpa and Mom and I will all be eating Thanksgiving dinner at Durmstrang ....

Son 1:  Mostly I don't want to deal with the shit storm I know will erupt between mom and grandpa.

Hosea:  Right.  Got it.

I am hoping that they will both be on their good behavior because we'll be out in public among hundreds of other people.

That is a hope and not a promise, naturally.  And after our last trip to visit you at Hogwarts, I have to admit my confidence level is not at 100%.

But I'm not sure what else we should do, at least this time around. Normally we'd all congregate at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  But since Son 2 will be at Durmstrang, so will Mom and I (and therefore you); and so it would be a little awkward to tell the rest of the family they can't come, especially when the school mailed an invitation straight to Grandma and Grandpa.

If they behave badly, then I think we can say that in future years there have to be some restrictions.  But right now ... I don't have a good alternate plan in mind.  It's awkward, and so I hope for the best.

If you have any more practical ideas, please let me know ....

Son 1:  Besides being somewhere else? No.

What can I say?  The kid's got a point ....  (sigh)

 

"I'll remember this"

It's Friday, and I decided to knock off work early.  Son 2 has been home all week, and he goes back to Durmstrang this Sunday.  So I get home maybe a couple of hours before usual and stroll in.  Wife is sewing and looks up with displeasure: "I didn't expect to see you home this early."  I said, "Well, I can leave," and walked back through the house to see what Son 2 was up to. 

He was playing computer games, and obviously hadn't bothered to get dressed since waking up this morning.  So I told him, "Hey, it's a beautiful day and I'm home early. Go get some clothes on and let's go do something outside."  "Like what?"  "Oh, I don't know but we'll think of something. We can go for a hike or a walk, or we can go to a park, or ... hell, I don't know. But go get some clothes on and let's go somewhere."

About this time, Wife came storming into the back of the house -- mad, but I couldn't figure out at whom?  Maybe even she didn't know.

"What's going on here? You two are going out to do something? Every day this week I've tried to do something with you [speaking to Son 2] so we could spend time together; and whenever I ask you what you want to do you just say 'I don't know' and then you go play on that damned computer. And now you [speaking to me] come swooping in like some kind of savior, and the two of you are going to go off to do something fun together?" 

There was a lot more in the same vein.  Obviously she was upset that ... well, something.  At any rate she was upset.  Maybe it was that she hadn't had a perfect week of mother-son bonding with Son 2 to match the movie in her head of what this last week ought to have been like.  I see how that could inflict a narcissistic wound.  But how does it become expressed as anger?  Anger against whom?  Against Son 2 for not thinking of something they could do together?  Against me for coming home early and urging Son 2 to get dressed?  Neither of those makes a lot of sense.  And really, if it were indeed true that Son 2 didn't want to go anywhere with her (and not just that he couldn't think of a place), is she going to make that better by shouting at him?  Will that make her more alluring, or will it make more attractive the prospect of time spent with her?  Did she really reserve no anger at all for herself, for being unable to nurture relationships with the boys?  What can she have been thinking?

I stood in front of her and urged her not to yell.  She kept up a steady stream of vitriol -- I don't remember what all she said -- so that it came across as yelling even though her voice was more subdued.  She was carrying her sewing scissors clenched in her right hand, so that if she had suddenly lifted her arm she could have plunged them toward me.  And when she stopped talking she just stood there and stared at me with a slight tremor in her lip and gaze, the way she does when she is about to burst with sudden violence.  This time she didn't do it -- after all, I'm writing this post right now instead of lying dead on our floor -- but I've seen that look often enough to recognize it.

Son 2 made up an errand for us to go do, so we could get out of the house without it looking like we were having fun.  "I'm all out of BBs for my BB gun. I need you to take me to the store to buy more BBs."  I picked up on this and chimed it, "I also need to put gas in the car because it is nearly empty. So I'll tell you what, dear; Son 2 is going to come with me to get BBs and then we are going to get gas in the car."

Like a shot she asked, "And what are you planning to do after that?"  (Wife believes that all action is planned.)  I told her, "No plans," and finally we got away.

So we went to buy BBs and to put gas in the car.  After that I proposed going to a park or somewhere else, but Son 2 wanted to go home.  Actually, he said, he wanted to go out to a park or something, "But then Mom will be all 'Grrr! You went somewhere without me!' And I don't want her to be sad. So let's go home."  And what then?  "Well once we're home then we can go somewhere else again. But we will have come back, like we said. And we can invite her to come along."

I pointed out that strictly speaking this was blackmail -- emotional blackmail -- on Wife's part; but I also drove the car home.

When we arrived, Son 2 announced to Wife that he wanted to go out to a park or something to try target-shooting with the new BBs he had just acquired.  Would she like to come too?  It took her the longest time to answer; finally she said to me (not him), "I think I'm going to stay here. I guess you could say that I had my turn this week and now you get your turn with him. So you two just go and have fun. But I'll also remember this."  It sounded for all the world like a threat.