Counseling 14, Discussing her plans

Well, contrary to D's fears on the subject, Wife told me today about her plans to see Boyfriend 5 the week I am out of town.

We were just getting settled, and Counselor asked if we remembered where we had left off last week. Yes, I volunteered -- we were talking about the possibility of Boyfriend 5 visiting some time, and you suggested that we brainstorm together to figure out how to handle the logistics of it. But we haven't done any of that brainstorming yet, because our schedules these days mean that we rarely talk at all.

At that point, Wife spoke up and mentioned the news that Boyfriend 5 might be able to come to town one day while I was gone. I probably should have acted more surprised, so that she would be less likely to think I might have heard it before. But as it was, I simply smirked at the suggestion that the timing was a remarkable coincidence. Imagine that it should just so happen the one week he was free was the week I would be gone ...! Who'd a thunk it?

OK, what about the logistics? Where are you going to meet? You remember I don't want them in the house, right ...?

I remember, Wife replied. But I don't want to spend all bloody day in a coffee shop drinking stale coffee. Besides, you have to remember that these guys are terrorists. (Oh yeah, forgot that part) There is a price on the heads of the whole family, so they never want to stay out in the open long. Therefore I really want to bring him to the house.

Counselor kept trying to interrupt to explore the process we were going through, and to make sure we could express our feelings about it. Any other time I would have gone along with him, but today I was a little impatient: Sure, that's great, we should explore that stuff -- but you heard Wife. She's talking about a visit planned for two weeks from now. Let's get the plans nailed down now and then go back to discuss our feelings about it all.

So, I asked Wife, do you have any other ideas about where you and Boyfriend 5 could meet?

No, she said. None. Well, OK a couple, but I know they won't work.

Like what?

Well, I guess if your only objection was to him coming to the house, then maybe we could meet at a hotel or something. But I know you won't accept that either.

This was the point I had been waiting for. In fact, while I knew nothing about the timing until D's phone call yesterday, I knew that Wife and Boyfriend 5 had discussed the possibility of checking into a hotel, and Boyfriend 5 had told her very confidently, Hosea will not accept that alternative. Hosea claims that his only concern is for your safety or that I don't steal the silver spoons, but all he really wants is to control your every move. There is no way he will accept his wife meeting a strange man in a hotel room.

So of course I said yes.

Naturally it wasn't quite that easy. Counselor kept asking me what exactly it was that made me not want them in the house. (I insisted I didn't want to go there right now, or we'd never get back to the topic at hand.) Wife had a bunch of complaints about hotels, like she wouldn't have our bookshelf handy in case she wanted to look up something to read to them, or she wouldn't have a kitchen handy in case they wanted lunch, or there wouldn't be a hotel anywhere in town that would let them check in before noon, or .... (Wife is very good at finding everything that could possibly go wrong with any plan you care to propose. If anybody knows of a job opening for a gloom-and-doom prophet, drop me a note.) Wife also said she felt like this solution was being shoved down her throat and once again she was powerless before the tyrannical Hosea. She kept this up until I objected, Wait a minute. If this is unilateral tyranny, then what do you think a compromise would look like here? I have accepted every single thing you want out of this proposal to get together with your Internet boyfriend except this one issue of the location where you meet. The only way I could possibly be more flexible would be to die. (Or leave, I thought privately, in which case you could do any damn fool thing you felt like. But that would have been pique speaking, and I didn't say it.) What in all this can you possibly give up in order to meet me "halfway"? When I put it like that, she backed down and agreed that this was a solution where she had been heard, and where she had had the power to negotiate some of what she wanted rather than simply having to capitulate. Sweet of her to see it that way, and all ....

The last few minutes of the session (yes, that really did take the better part of an hour) was devoted to comparative trivia. Where would Wife find a hotel that would let her check in at 8:30 am, just after the kids had gone to school? Counselor and I both pointed out that this is November and not exactly prime hotel season, so any hotel in town would be likely to work with her on this. I also pointed out, maybe a little indelicately, that every town (ours included) has some establishments who cater to an ... ummm ... hourly clientele, and if she could find one of these then doubtless the staff could be very accommodating. Also it would probably be cheaper than a high-end place, which is another plus. Wife said she'd make a few phone calls.

I never thought I'd see the day that I was encouraging my wife to check into a seedy, hourly motel with some stranger she had met on the Internet. It is a sign of where things have drifted to that this looks better to me than the other alternatives.

Now if only she sticks to the plan -- which means, if only Boyfriend 5 doesn't persuade her to change it behind my back. And if only he doesn't knock her over the head or something. I suppose I should still worry about that stuff too, but at this point I am trying to pick my battles. The fact that I don't want to cancel my trip isn't even my primary motivation, solid motivation though it be. I think the comments on yesterday's post are largely sound when they point out that I wouldn't have a lot to gain by staying home, because then it will just be some other week instead. And I can't stay home forever.

So we'll see how it goes.
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