Discontent

Wife and the kids have gone off to a sports event, and I am staying home to pay some bills. And I cannot rid myself of a sense of discontent. I can feel it inside me, right below my heart ... a little cold empty cave that is missing something and needs to be filled. But I don't know what.

I'm not hungry -- I had a good breakfast and would be uncomfortable if I ate more. I don't want more coffee right now -- I'm plenty wide awake as it is, and more coffee at the moment would just make my stomach feel sour. I'm not horny -- enticing as sex can be, that wouldn't make this go away. God knows I don't want a drink -- the idea of alcohol at this hour of the morning is nauseating.

So I have no idea what it is that I am missing at this precise moment, that keeps this little cave below my heart feeling cold and empty. I know that (whatever it is) it's absolutely not food or coffee or sex or alcohol. And yet there is an irritating little voice in the back of my head urging each of these in turn -- or even all four in combination -- as a distraction to make the coldness and emptiness go away. I know this voice is lying to me, because I know for a fact that none of those will help. But it is a dam' nuisance.

I've tried prayer. No immediate miracles, but even in the best of cases prayer takes a while to help. In the meantime I'm going to get back to work.