He’s ba-a-a-ack!

After several weeks of mysterious absence, Boyfriend 5 is back in Wife’s life.

For much of this summer, he has been unaccountably gone; either he was sick (so he said) or he was having computer troubles (so he said) or something. But today he contacted Wife and said all his troubles are cleared up and he is back for the forseeable future.

So they had a good long heart-to-heart talk about everything that was going wrong in his life and all the people he resents and other fun, uplifting topics like that. Wife was quite starry-eyed. In the midst of all this, Boyfriend 5 made a rather unusual offer: while he told Wife that he wasn’t planning to kill me, he did offer to conjure up a demon to attack me.

A demon? Excuse me? Well, apparently Wife didn’t bat an eye at this offer, and the two of them started chatting about the finer points of demonology. But personally, I have to say it sounds a little strange to me. I have no idea whether he is trying to pull her leg – in which case it seems to me that the leg must have come off in his hand, because she appears to have swallowed the story hook, line, and sinker – or whether he really believes it. And I suppose strictly speaking (somewhat skeptical though I be) that I can’t actually prove demonic attack is impossible. That is to say, I think it is most likely that he is making up a story to see how big a whopper he can get away with. But I have to concede the possibility that he might be telling the unadulterated truth.

Incidentally, you remember the electric bill that Wife paid for this swine? The credit card statement finally came. I remember distinctly that he made a big deal of the fact that the electric company was in a foreign country where they do things differently, so he couldn’t possibly pay the bill a day late and have the power turned back on. But of course the credit card statement lists the company to whom the money was paid, and you can find them out on the Internet. They serve northern Texas. I know some Texans think their state is a separate country, but this isn’t quite what he was trying to get us to believe. I have asked the credit company to get some more information before I show this to Wife, because I want it to be irrefutable by the time I do.

So anyway, life is getting more interesting on this front again. And so, just to cover my bases, I would like to ask a favor. Anybody out there who assumes that the threat of demonic attack is no more than laughable, self-aggrandizing bullshit, I hope you are right and please feel free to skip this paragraph. But for anybody else – can I please ask you to pray for me that I be safe from any such attacks, in case they should materialize? For my own part, I have added to that prayer two others: first, that any demonic attack rebound threefold on the sender; and second, that Wife’s mind be enlightened by the truth and pierce the disguises of this charlatan to see him for who he really is. I won’t burden you by asking for either of those too, but if you feel like tossing them into the mix you are more than welcome.

I feel a little silly posting this kind of a request, really I do. But ... you know ... just in case ....