Not this shit again! part 3

So I wrote to my lawyer a couple days ago, reminding her that I'm out here (although I had dropped any action a year ago) and asking if I still had some hours to spend. She replied that yes I did, and how did I want to proceed? Today I wrote her as follows:

You asked me how I wish to proceed, and I am not 100% sure. You have seen a lot more divorces than I have, and I would like your advice. I understand that giving advice isn't free and takes time, just the same as any of the normal legal work that would move me forward. I understand and accept that this is probably not a routine six-minute e-mail. [My lawyer normally bills each e-mail at 0.1 of an hour.] But advice is what I need right now. I will try to be as clear and succinct as possible.

BACKGROUND, PART 1:
- Last year I held off filing the papers because I was concerned about how destructive the divorce process might be for our two children, Son 1 and Son 2. I do not expect to reach an amicable resolution with my wife. (I would be glad to be wrong.)
- Since that time, Son 1 has entered 9th grade in a boarding high school.
- Son 2 is in 7th grade, but is likely to attend a boarding high school too, when the time comes.
- That made me think maybe it would be simpler and easier on the boys if we could keep a stable status quo until Son 2 enters high school, and then dissolve the marriage when neither of them lives full-time at home.

But now I think I might be wrong.

BACKGROUND, PART 2:
- My wife Wife has a history of infidelity, mental illness, and chronic denigration of others -- especially me. The things she says are often outright lies; less often they are just distortions of reality.
- Three years ago (late 2007) she started an on-line flirtation that has grown to consume most of her life by now. [It finally reached the point of being blog-worthy here.] To date, she has never met this fellow in the flesh. One of the names he uses is "Friend" and that's the one I'll use here. (This is a real simplification, but I'll save the details for some other time.)
- A couple evenings ago, she left one of her e-mail accounts logged in when she went to bed. I snooped, and found a letter from Friend addressed to Son 1 and Son 2 -- copied to Wife -- dated back in June.
- I have shown this letter to a couple friends. [That would be D, plus my gentle readers here. At the time I wrote this, I had gotten feedback from Janeway and L.] They agree with me that it is appalling.
- But they also tell me this letter is a sign that I have been a complete idiot to trust in a stable status quo for another two years into the future. They all agree with each other that if this letter is any sign of what the boys are hearing behind my back, then no matter how destructive the divorce turns out to be it can't be any worse than the status quo.
- In short, they are all telling me to get it in gear and move forward at once.

I don't know if they are right. I would like you to read the e-mail and tell me how you see it, compared to the other divorces you have seen.

That's my question.

If my friends are right, then I guess I need to stop dawdling. At that point, I will have to figure out with you the next step: is it to pick up where we were?

Also for the future: you need not answer this now, but please keep it in mind for later. I strongly believe that Wife's history of psychological instability and her poor grasp of the truth -- plus other factors -- would make her a very poor custodial parent, and that her percentage of the children's time should be shrunk as small as practically possible. My friends agree with this, but they also point out that it can be really, really hard to convince a court of that. And they point out that Wife has been telling all her acquaintances evil things about me for a long time. This means I will need advice how best to collect objective evidence of the kind that is persuasive to a court, in support of a settlement that gives her very limited custody time.

As I say, I assume that last paragraph is a topic for a later day.

What follows below is Friend's letter to the boys, from June. Thank you for your help.

I then inserted the letter from Friend that I reprinted for you here. I'll post later how she replied ....