Of course I think what is going on with Wife is horrifying. If I made the decision on pure squeamishness, there would be no question. But here's what I think I see:
- Divorce can't stop Wife or Friend or anybody else from e-mailing the boys. (In fact, Wife's relationship with Friend may be falling apart of its own weight, but that will be as it will be whether or not we divorce.)
- Divorce can't stop Wife from consistently denigrating me to the boys. (D tells me that a statement to that effect can be put in the decree, but I have to assume it is totally unenforceable.)
- But divorce would mean that I have less time with the boys overall than I do now, because I would have them only 50% of the time they spend at home. Among other things, this means less time to counteract, by example if not in words, whatever Wife is saying about me.
Where is the benefit in that? I can see a couple:
- Divorce means we don't have to pretend to be civil, so it may be easier for the boys to dismiss anything Wife says as just bitterness.
- Divorce allows me to be more open about seeing D.
Are there other obvious points that belong on this second list? I'd love to hear them, so I can flesh it out. Comments and catcalls are welcome, as always ....
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