Am I too subtle?

You wouldn't think so, would you?  Still, sometimes I wonder.

We (the extended family) are trying to make plans for Son 1's graduation from Hogwarts.  Traditionally my parents have hosted any get-together related to Hogwarts, because they live so nearby.  But my father has been sick recently (I wrote about that a couple of weeks ago) and Heaven knows that I don't look forward to sleeping under the same roof with Wife if I can avoid it.  So I sent an e-mail to everybody Monday with a proposal for the logistics (further complicated because Durmstrang's Commencement is the very same day, three or four hours away), and I suggested that we none of us plan to stay with my parents on account of my dad's illness.  Since I was afraid he would reply-all immediately to contradict me, I sent him a private note saying that if he genuinely felt well enough to have guests then we should discuss it privately first.

So late Tuesday night he sent me a question as follows:

This is just for you. Before we make any hospitality offers or suggestions, I need to know: Are you and Wife willing to sleep under the same roof on the night of May 31st and share breakfast? How about the same room ... but different beds?

Dear God, do you hafta ask?  Apparently so, I guess, or he wouldn't have.  And yet when he lets his guard down and stops trying to play the role of the Perfect Host, he freely admits he can't stand her either.  So when I have handed him an excuse on a silver platter for not having to deal with her, why can't he accept it and leave well enough alone?

I also hate the word willing.  This is a word Wife uses all the time, and my problem with it is that it suggests there are two choices: Yes and No.  But the way Wife uses it (and Father is much like her, I think), "Yes I'm willing" means "That's great" while "No I'm not willing" means "Categorically not under any circumstances – I'd sooner die."  Isn't there a lot of middle ground between these two?  So here's how I replied:

"Willing" is a very vague adjective that often obscures more than it reveals.  Suppose someone were to ask me, Would I be willing to eat grubs?  Tribes in New Guinea consider them a delicacy.  For myself if I had a choice I'd probably prefer pizza; but if I were starving in New Guinea I suppose I'd rather eat grubs than perish.

I have not had a chance to investigate alternative accommodations yet, because my attention will be taken up full-time by [things at work] for at least another day.  But I meant the suggestion seriously and not frivolously, even though Brother assures me that you seem in better health than you did a few weeks ago when we both visited you.  If I can find something tolerable that's within driving distance, I'd really rather spare you the trouble of hosting company.  We might decide that we all want to get together for dinner or something, ... sure, fine, whatever.

I hoped this would be reasonably clear.  That is to say, I hoped that the shuffled side-step of an answer made it clear that what I meant was, "Would I be willing to sleep under the same roof with Wife? I'd just as soon eat grubs!"  Or in other words, I suppose I'd do it if the alternative was death or exposure (therefore not "No") but I'd rather not if I have a choice (therefore not "Yes").

But apparently it wasn't nearly clear enough because Father's next e-mail said:

I have made tentative reservations for a room with two queen-size beds at [a DoubleTree in town]. Forget about those others [a couple that I had mentioned as possibilities] that are closer to our neighborhood. One rents only by the week or month. The one next door rents rooms by the hour(!). [He then wrote a paragraph on the history of the hotel he had picked.]

BTW, are you a member of the Auto Club or AARP?

One room with two beds?  Who exactly did he think was going to stay there?  Me and Wife ... after I compared sleeping under the same roof with her to eating a bug?  Really?  He couldn't have meant just one of us, ... because then why two rooms?

I replied asking him to cancel the reservations, lest he end up paying for them.  He answered me:

Forgive me. Your mom and I thought of making your hotel stay our graduation gift to you and Wife for all the blood, sweat, tears, and cash you have put out toward making this event happen.

However, I shall do as you ask, and cancel the reservations -- although it is a nice place. [Then he talked about some of the other choices in the area.]

Actually, we will be perfectly happy if you and Wife choose to avail yourselves of our traditional accommodations. It won't be all that much extra work. Your mom agrees. Brother and his girlfriend will be going back to their place in the Big City after a celebratory supper, Son 1 will be at his all-night orgy [this means at a graduation party thrown by one of his friends], and Son 2 will be [unable to make it because his own Commencement is so far away]. So it's just you two, and you really are very considerate guests.

You can have the pick of the sofas, as usual, and we'll have a nice breakfast in the morning. I'll make up a big pot of Irish Oats which is what we have every day. And I'll cook an egg for anybody who wants one.

As you can see, I am feeling better. Today was a pretty normal day for me. I just have to take more frequent rest breaks. By next week I should be even better still, and we can forget all this nonsense about "alternative accommodations."

OK?

I haven't replied yet because I don't know what to say.  Do I say, "Yes, I'm sure Wife will be delighted at the chance to stay somewhere for free?"  Do I say, "What part of 'seriously and not frivolously' or 'I'd really rather' are unclear to you?"  Do I say, "Have you asked Mom what she thinks of this or are you running a one-man show?"  Or what?  I don't want to say anything rude.  I don't want to say anything that would be embarrassing if my dad, who can be pretty clueless about subtle social cues, were to forward the e-mail to Wife.

But maybe that's the only way to be clear?  I wish I knew.