Grief

Last night in my UU Sangha we talked about this recent shooting, and then did a meditation on grief which involved thinking of some serious loss and then feeling the sadness from it without "clinging" to the sadness ... just "letting it be."

During the first part, when we were talking, I mentioned that today (i.e., Wednesday, the day after sangha) I was planning to drive two hours to my parents' house to collect Wife's gun so I could turn it into the police and have them destroy it.  That was Lawyer's advice.  More on that in my next post.

Then during the meditation on grief, I found that I was contemplating the loss of my marriage.  It's funny.  In many ways I think -- at any rate I often think -- that I've lived with this for so long I've become blasé about it.  That's what I say here, for instance.  But when I'm asked to think of a loss that I feel grief for, that's what comes up.  Not, say, the death of a grandparent or a beloved teacher.  But the loss of my marriage to the most frustrating woman in the galaxy.

It's funny.  By which I mean sad.  By which I mean that I have no idea what I mean.